chest, squeezing the air and the life out of me. “There is no end. There is no end. And you’re not quitting. We can make it work.”
But the more I keep saying that, the more pushback I get from her, and the more hopeless I feel.
It’s almost as if she wants to give up on us.
Like she wants this to end.
How can that be? Doesn’t she feel what I feel for her?
“Do you love me?” I ask her, so much hope and anguish in my words, so afraid of the answer.
“Of course I love you,” she says.
“No,” I tell her, trying to swallow. “No, there is no of course when it comes to love. It is not guaranteed. It’s not to be taken for granted. Do you love me? Do you really love me?”
“Yes!” she cries out. “I love you Alejo.”
“Then don’t leave me,” I plead, my hands wrapping around hers, holding on tight as I bring them to my lips. “Please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t do this.”
“I have to,” she says, her voice choked.
I can’t hold back the pain any longer.
My tears spill onto our hands as I kiss them, holding on, holding on.
Please don’t let me go.
But she’s letting me go.
“This can’t be it,” I whisper against her knuckles, tasting her, feeling her, knowing I’ll never get to do this again.
I can’t imagine life without her.
I can’t…
I close my eyes and bring her into me, wrapping my arms around her as she cries into my chest and my tears fall onto her shoulder.
“Don’t leave me,” I say hoarsely, my words choked. “Please. I beg you to stay.”
“There is no other way,” she sobs against me. “We knew this was coming. We knew it from the start, the risks, and we took the risks and we fell for each other and we loved each other and now…now comes that day we knew was coming. The day…the day it ends for us.”
I pinch my eyes shut, the pain swallowing me whole, making me feel like my soul has been ripped right out of me, leaving a gaping hole in its place.
I don’t think I’ve loved anything in my life the way that I love her.
Her smile first thing in the morning.
The way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she laughs, it leaves me weak at the knees.
The way she stares at me when she thinks I’m not looking, the look of someone in awe of me, a look that tells me how much she adores me.
The way I’ve erased her sadness, how I’ve made her laugh.
The way she throws herself into her job with so much love and self-assurance, never asking for admiration or encouragement or praise, just doing something she feels she’s meant to do.
And that’s why I can’t ask her to leave her job.
And she’s right that I can’t leave mine.
But I would. If I could. If I wasn’t under contract, I would leave Real Madrid. Perhaps go to Atlético. Maybe even Barcelona. It doesn’t matter, I would leave it for her.
But I can’t.
And I can’t let her quit.
And I don’t want her to get fired. How humiliating it would be. I would never do that to her.
Yet, she’s giving up so easily. How can she give up so easily on us?
How can she feel what I feel and not try to find some other solution?
There has to be one, there has to be another way.
“Thalia,” I say softly, pulling back to stare at her beautiful face. “I know you’re scared. I’m terrified. But I can’t let you go. I can’t let this be the end of us. I can’t…you’ve taught me so much, to love so fully, so completely, that if you let this end here, right now…I don’t know where that love is supposed to go. Am I supposed to love you from afar? Am I supposed to go into work each day and see you and know that the love we had is dying somewhere because we didn’t give it a shot?”
“We gave it a shot, Alejo,” she sniffs. “We gave it all we had.”
“No, we didn’t,” I tell her. “Because you’re giving up now. So easily.”
She blinks at me, her face crumbling. “So easily?” she repeats. “Why do you think this is easy for me? I’m breaking here, Alejo! I am dissembling into many parts that I don’t even recognize. I lost my heart to you, how on earth do you think this easy? I lost my heart to you