a little bit. “You go first,” she said.
Colby stared up at the sky for another moment, stalling. He didn’t actually know what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her he sort of wished they’d never met each other. He wanted to tell her everything had been easier before she came along. He wanted to tell her there was a not-insignificant chance he was in love with her, but when he opened his mouth to try and say it, “It was never going to work” is what came out.
Meg breathed in then, so quietly he almost didn’t hear it, and for a moment Colby was sure to his particles he’d made a horrible mistake. “Okay,” she said, before he could take it back. “That’s . . . about what I was going to say, too.”
“It is?” Colby asked, sitting up so fast he got dizzy. He didn’t know if he believed her or not.
“Yeah,” Meg said, her voice bright and just this side of brittle. “Absolutely. I mean, we’re just too different, right? It was always kind of a joke, you and me.”
“Totally,” Colby agreed, trying to ignore the weird stinging behind his rib cage, like he’d gulped a mouthful of soda down too fast. He thought of her shy, sleepy smile that morning in the artificial light of the hotel room. He thought of how warm her skin had been in her car the other night. “I mean, let’s be real: it was a disaster every time we met in person.”
“A total cluster.”
“Seriously.” Colby stood up, adrenaline zinging through his body like possibly he was going to have to run somewhere in the immediate future. He took a deep breath and glanced over his shoulder. Jordan and Micah were arguing about the best place to set off the roman candles, Jordan’s beanie askew on his head even though it was close to eighty degrees. His regular life right here in front of his face, same as it ever was. “Okay,” he said finally. “So . . .”
Meg made a sound at the back of her throat, noncommittal. “Yeah.”
“I guess . . .”
“Yup.” That sound again, almost like a hiccup. Almost, but not quite, like a sob. “Um,” she said. “Bye, Colby.”
Colby opened his mouth, shut it again. Kicked over his beer by mistake. This is stupid, he almost told her, looking down in quiet bewilderment as it foamed around his sneakers. I’m sorry. I keep thinking about you. I really, really don’t want to not talk to you every day.
“Bye,” he said.
Colby hung up and stared out at the empty road for a moment longer. Then he turned around and went back to his friends.
June seeped by in a hot, colorless blur. Colby slept a lot. He had no fucking job to speak of. Mostly, he drove around, but he wasn’t going to be able to keep doing that much longer, either, since he had next to no money for gas. He spent a lot of time at Paradise, lying on the hood of the car and staring up at the light flickering through the leaves on the trees.
That was what he was doing one afternoon when he heard Matt’s car pulling down the dusty path, the distinctive hum of his engine. Colby wondered how Matt had known he was here, then decided it didn’t matter. Matt got out of his car and came over to Colby’s, sitting next to him on the hood without bothering to ask if he could. “Where’d that come from?” he asked, motioning with his freshly shaven chin.
Colby looked at the Annie Hernandez yard sign he’d plunked into the weedy grass, then back at Matt. “Dunno,” he lied, shrugging a little. Truthfully, it had cost ten bucks he didn’t have. “Was here when I showed up.”
Matt looked skeptical, but he didn’t comment. “I brought lunch.”
Why? Colby thought, but that felt unnecessary, and he was hungry besides. “Thanks,” he mumbled, taking the Subway bag from his brother’s outstretched hand.
Matt nodded. “How was your wedding?”
Colby busied himself unwrapping his sandwich; Matt had sprung for the meatball marinara, which was both of their favorite. “It sucked, actually.”
“Too bad.”
Colby shrugged. “It’s fine,” he said through a huge bite of meatball. “I barely knew her.”
“Really?” Matt seemed surprised by that. “I would have thought you really liked her, if you could be fucked to drive all the way to Philly.”
“Yeah, well,” Colby said, hoping Matt would take the hint and move on. “Waste of gas.”
Matt did, but only