her. “He seems very happy with you. I don’t think he’d be happy in my tiny apartment, and me gone all day.”
Max smiled sympathetically. “It would be hard on you both.”
When they had finished what they were going to eat of their meal, Carly put her fork down and said, “May I ask you a personal question? A nosy one?”
“What, you didn’t google beforehand?” he teased her.
“Of course I did. But you are notoriously bad about posting news.”
“That, I am. What do you want to know?”
“Are you dating the other professor?” she blurted. It had been a worry since he’d popped back up in her texts. The idea that he was over their breakup because he’d moved on.
He looked confused. “What other professor?”
“You know . . . the one who was up for tenure.”
Max blinked. “Alanna?” He suddenly grinned. “No. First of all, she is transferring to Rutgers. And second, that was definitely a one-night kind of thing.” His eyes moved over her face. “What about you? Are you dating anyone?”
She shook her head. “No. I haven’t met anyone who comes close to measuring up to the last guy.”
Max said nothing. He held her gaze for one very interminable moment. He reached across the table for her hand. She slipped it into his palm and it felt as if everything they hadn’t said the day they broke up was churning between them.
But then Max looked at his watch.
“Need to go?” Carly asked as her heart plummeted.
“I have a super early flight in the morning and a class tomorrow afternoon.” He glanced up and smiled. He pulled his hand free of hers. “This has been great. It’s so good to see you.”
Carly tried to smile, but she felt a little sick. “Are we friends now?”
“Always, Carly.”
He paid the check and they got their coats and he put on his beanie, and they stood at the window looking out at the icy sleet coming down. Carly was shivering. Max put his arm around her. She closed her eyes a moment, relishing the feel of him. Missing it so terribly.
“I’m going to get a cab. Can I drop you somewhere?” he asked.
“No, I’m going to walk up the block and get a train home.”
“Ready?” he asked. “You’re shivering.”
She wasn’t shivering because of the cold. Because she couldn’t bear this goodbye, either. “Ready,” she said.
They stepped out onto the street. Max went to the curb and put up his hand. At a stoplight up the street, a cab put on its blinker and turned off its taxi light, indicating it was coming for Max.
Max looked back at Carly. “Carly, I . . .” The light turned green and the traffic started rolling through the intersection.
“I miss you,” he said.
“What?”
“I just miss you so much,” he said. “Me and the dogs. We think about you all the time.”
The cab pulled up to the curb. Max opened the car door. But he looked back at Carly and he looked panicked.
“Max, I—”
“Listen,” he said, and grabbed her hand. “I should have said this earlier. Or maybe I shouldn’t say anything, I don’t know. But if anything ever changes . . . Jesus, I am bad at this.” He took both her hands. Someone behind the cab honked. “I miss you so damn much. I love you. It’s not over for me, it’s never going to be over, and I knew you got your hair cut and you wear buildings and boxes on your head because I google you, and I just can’t stop and I need you to tell me to stop.”
“Max!” she cried, and cupped his face with her mittened hands. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Because you have your job here, and nothing has changed, and I would never ask you to give up your life for me. It’s just wishful thinking, but I can’t stop wishing, and I . . . I wish for you all the fucking time.”
Carly’s heart swelled in her chest, pushing against her ribs. She put her arms around him and kissed him. Max threw his arm around her waist and moaned into her mouth and kissed her back. It was a lovely kiss. A beautiful kiss. It was the best kiss of her life.
And then, just like that, he faded away from her and got in the cab and drove away.
* * *
Later, when she was back in her apartment, staring at the piece of paper with the songwriter’s name on it, he texted her.
Sorry about that. Emotions got