inexperienced—one of these days I was going to have to level with him that I basically was too—Santa had a wonderfully dirty mouth.
FROSTY: Why not both?
SANTA: God, yes
SANTA: I’d rim you until you were so relaxed and open, and then I’d fuck you, come inside you, and eat your ass again
My eyes widened in shock—and my dick hardened too, let’s be clear—but before I could say anything in response, Santa replied again.
SANTA: Metaphorically speaking, that is. I know we should use condoms. I’m not an idiot
SANTA: Also I hope that wasn’t too much. I’m kinda new to this sexting thing
I laughed.
FROSTY: Not too much at all. It’s perfect. Condoms are great IRL and imagining you breeding me is great for the internet
SANTA: God, your hole looks so tight, it’s hard to imagine it even fitting around my cock
FROSTY: Well like you said, you’d need to loosen me up
I added a tongue emoji to that. Santa was quiet for a minute, but when he did respond, his message tied my stomach up in all sorts of delicious knots.
SANTA: I want to watch you take something in your ass so bad. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all your experiments in high school. I want to see you fuck yourself open for me
FROSTY: Jesus, that’s…Yes. I would happily do that for you
FROSTY: I hate being out of town, I don’t have any of my usual toys with me
SANTA: Nah, it’s okay. I can imagine it. Trust me. I am very good at imagining things about you.
I thought for a moment. Maybe I could still make something work.
FROSTY: Give me a few minutes
FROSTY: NO MASTURBATING IN THE MEANTIME
SANTA: What? Did you not just hear me say I haven’t been able to jerk off all day?
SANTA: You don’t send a guy a picture of your fucking perfect hole and then tell him not to jack off when he sees it
SANTA: (Or would that be perfect fucking hole?)
FROSTY: (Oh it’s definitely a fucking-hole. And it’s perfectly desperate for you)
FROSTY: But seriously. No jerking off for now. I promise it’ll be worth it
SANTA: *Grumpily adjusts dick in pants and pouts*
SANTA: It’d better be
FROSTY: Just wait
I pulled my clothes back on, then set out on a hunt. I thought about starting in the kitchen, but my dad and Blake’s dad were in there baking their annual batch of Christmas sugar cookies, and I knew if I stayed, I’d get roped into helping. I bid a silent farewell to the various rubber-handled cooking utensils that might have worked and headed to the storage closet instead.
Unfortunately, while there were plenty of vaguely phallic objects in there—a baseball bat, a few ski poles, and a hunting rifle—they all seemed like they might result in internal bleeding or organ damage. On my way back downstairs, I paused when I saw a case of wine that the Salazars had brought with them.
I couldn’t use one of those bottles—it seemed a little rude to shove something up my ass that they were going to drink from later—but it did get my brain thinking about other bottles that were available, and that was what led to my brilliant idea.
I turned and headed for the bathroom Blake and I shared with our sisters. Sure enough, Fliss still used that conditioner that came in the light green bottle. It was one of those really expensive brands that didn’t come in normal-size bottles, so it was only about two inches in diameter. I’d still have to work up to it, but I could use my own cheap conditioner as lube, and as long as I had enough time…
Within thirty seconds, I was naked again, my clothes folded up on the closed toilet lid and the door firmly locked. I grabbed a baby blue towel from the stack of unused ones on the shelf in the corner, because there was no way I was going to lie on the cold tile floor. I’d just have to be careful not to drip.
I slid one finger in first, sighing at how good it felt, and added a second one quickly, slipping them in and out of my hole. I wanted to add a third immediately, but reminded myself to go slow. I had a goal here, and it wasn’t just to come as fast as possible.
No, it was to make Santa come as fast as possible. Which meant I needed to relax. After what felt like an eternity, I added a third finger and began to work myself