twenty-year high school reunion on Facebook rather than attend it?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever gotten your phone to pair with a Bluetooth speaker?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever taken a cab when everyone else decided to walk?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever pulled your underwear all the way up to your sternum?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever put on new glasses for the first time?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever pretended to be on the phone when someone you don’t like was trying to talk to you?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever called your wife by the wrong name?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever taken more than the recommended dosage of Aleve?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever played dead at work?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever declined an invitation to a bachelorette party?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever cut your own hair?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever Shazamed a song in public?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever tried to convince a young person to care about a single thing that is meaningful to you?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever dug through the skincare bins at Marshalls trying to find the fancy shit you love on clearance?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever intentionally gotten a stupid tattoo?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever organized your sock drawer?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever swiftly avoided answering a phone call that unexpectedly came through while you were making a move in Words with Friends?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever watched one thing on your phone while your wife watches a different thing on the TV?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever designed a new IKEA kitchen in your mind?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever texted your lady to bring you something upstairs when she was downstairs?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever refused to introduce yourself to the neighbors?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever declined an invitation to a baby shower?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever kept score of how much money you would be winning on Jeopardy?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever remembered to separate all the different types of recycling?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever tried to figure out what is happening with your 401(k)?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever deleted your voice mail without listening to any of it first?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever had your spouse cosign a loan?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever covertly fed the cat human food in an attempt to win complete allegiance?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever watched a young person try to figure out the twenty-five-year-old pop culture reference you just made?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever flirted with your friend’s dad?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever licked a plate clean while no one else was watching?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever declined an invitation to a birthday party?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever tried a new anti-dandruff shampoo?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever…?
Sure, sex is fun, but have you…?
Sure, sex is fun.
Sure.
body negativity
I have been stuck with a smelly, actively decaying body that I never asked for and am constantly on the receiving end of confusing, overwhelming messages for how to properly care for and feed it. Healthy hair is lustrous and shiny. Those words I just used might mean the same thing. Healthy hair should also be strong, but, honestly, I don’t ever worry about that because I shave my head, and it’s not like I have to worry about it being strong enough to hold up a buoyant ponytail. I wish magazines and commercials talked more about scalps, because, wow, mine has been a horror show since the dawn of time and I am so very old and still find myself in public in a black shirt like, “Oh, please, excuse me for a minute, I appear to be molting from above the neck!” WHY WON’T CORPORATIONS TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD PUT ON MY HEAD? Okay, I can wash it every day, but I read websites and they tell you that’s bad to do. But if I skip a day, I get itchy. If I skip two days, I start