up in that family was hard, being treated differently than my brothers because I was a girl, waking up every morning knowing my future was limited. Knowing I was so different from most of the other kids at school. It was more than loneliness. Sometimes I think it was the opposite of loneliness, too, like there were too many people around me, forced connections, that I needed a little isolation to think on my own, to be my own person. Does that make sense?”
Deya nodded, hearing herself in Sarah’s words. “And now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you happy?”
Sarah paused for a moment then said, “I don’t care about being happy.” Deya’s surprise must have been written across her face because Sarah continued, “Too often being happy means being passive or playing it safe. There’s no skill required in happiness, no strength of character, nothing extraordinary. Its discontent that drives creation the most—passion, desire, defiance. Revolutions don’t come from a place of happiness. If anything, I think it’s sadness, or discontent at least, that’s at the root of everything beautiful.”
Deya listened, captivated. “Are you sad, then?”
“I was sad for a long time,” Sarah said without meeting her eyes. “But I’m not anymore. I’m grateful to have accomplished something with my life. I spend my days doing something I love.” She gestured to the books.
“Do you think you would’ve had this life if you’d stayed? If you’d gotten married?”
Sarah hesitated before replying. “I’m not sure. I think a lot about the kind of life I would’ve had if I’d stayed. Would I have been able to go to college? Would I have managed a bookstore in the city? Probably not, at least not ten years ago . . . But it seems like things have changed.” She paused to think. “But then again, maybe they haven’t changed that much. I don’t know. It just depends . . .”
“On what?”
“On the family you’re from. I know many Arab families who firmly believe in educating their women, and I’ve met some who graduated from college and have good jobs. But I think in my case, if I’d married a man my parents chose for me, who thinks the way my parents think, then he probably wouldn’t have let me go to college or work. He would’ve wanted me to stay at home and raise children instead.”
“You know, this isn’t making me feel better,” Deya said, thinking of the pitiful possibilities of her life. “If I’m going to be forced to stay at home and have children, then why shouldn’t I run away?”
“Because it’s the cowardly thing to do.”
“But what’s the point of being courageous? Where will that get me?”
“Courage will get you everywhere, so long as you believe in yourself and what you stand for,” said Sarah. “You don’t know what your life will be like, and neither do I. The only thing I know for sure is that you alone are in control of your destiny. No one else. You have the power to make your life whatever you want it to be, and in order to do that, you have to find the courage to stand up for yourself, even if you’re standing alone.”
Deya stared at Sarah’s pale olive complexion, the way her eyes glittered in the dim room. She was starting to sound like a self-help book, and though Deya frequently read those sorts of things, it was beginning to annoy her. It was one thing to read theoretical advice and another thing entirely to listen to the words come out of someone’s mouth.
“That all sounds great in theory,” Deya said. “But this isn’t a Dr. Phil show. What am I supposed to do? Ignore my grandparents and do whatever I want? It’s not that simple. I have to listen to them. I don’t have a choice.”
“Yes, you do,” Sarah said. “You always have a choice. You’re always in control. Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?”
Deya sighed irritably. “I’ve read about it.”
“It says we attract what we think. Whatever belief a person has about the future comes true because the person believes it.”
“You mean, like Voldemort in Harry Potter?”
Sarah laughed. “That’s one example. Everything we draw into our life is a mirror of our thought patterns and beliefs. In a way, we can control the outcome of our future just by thinking more positively and visualizing only the things we want for ourselves. Of course, Voldemort did the exact opposite. He made his own worst-case scenario come true by believing