For The Win (Gamer Girls, #6) - Auryn Hadley Page 0,77

to try something like silver?"

"No, I like the dark brown," Rhaven decided.

"It's really more black," Kate told her.

"It's natural," Rhaven countered. "But every time I look through pictures, I keep coming back to that style."

"Then that's what you should do," Kate assured her. "And if you hate it, then you get to go through the same thing as every other woman on Earth: waiting for it to grow out."

Rhaven actually laughed at that. "Kate? Why does this all feel so liberating? I mean, I've never wanted fake nails in my life. I type. I game. Long nails don't make sense, but I'm honestly excited about this. It feels..."

"Real?" Kate offered. "No more hiding. No more making your decisions based on changing your look when you go home - or to a convention. No more walking on a tightrope. You no longer need to pretend to be something you aren't. Maybe that's why?"

Rhaven just sucked her lower lip into her mouth and thought about it. Honestly thought - and hard. What Kate was saying was part of it, but it didn't feel like all of it. Yeah, there was some relief to knowing that she no longer had to hide. There was also that tiny part of her that felt as if she was making a statement. Flipping someone off, in a way.

Then she figured it out. "It's my way of telling KoG they can't break me," she realized.

"Is it working?" Kate asked.

Rhaven just shoved her plate away and reached for the bottle of whiskey. "A little? I mean, they said they were offering a reward for my real identity. Does that mean they don't have it?"

"Probably not," Kate realized. "Shit. Void says the PLG is protective of their client information. Deviant is too. I know Adam has multiple layers to keep hackers from stealing identities, so maybe that's it? Riley put her real name out there. So did I. You? You're known by your game name, and there have been a few mentions of you being from a small town in Montana. I think one of the interviews when you placed in the final round. But that's kinda it."

"Yet they know I'm trans," she countered. "I mean, is it that obvious?"

"You're tall?" Kate offered. "Rhaven, I don't know. I never suspected a thing until you told me, but I also don't think like that. Psyc and Knock seemed shocked. So, is there any other way they could've figured it out?"

"I showed up as a man at my first event," she said. "I decided to get dressed up on a whim." Then it dawned on her. "Shit, no. It's from playing Call of Battle. The other players called me 'he,' and I presented as male."

"So someone from KoG played against you there," Kate said, reaching for her phone. "On the upside, this means your family is safe."

"Safe?" Rhaven countered. "For all I know, my family is imploding! I mean..." And she stopped. "Never mind."

"No, keep going," Kate insisted. "Sweetie, it's ok to vent. It's fine to worry. It's even normal to freak the fuck out and lose your shit. I don't think any of those things makes you less tough. I think it makes you human - so keep going."

Rhaven grabbed her glass, filled it halfway, then pushed the bottle of whiskey out of her reach. The whole time, her mind was spinning, replaying that moment when she'd told her dad that she was a woman. Well, his daughter, at any rate. Nothing in her life had been more terrifying, and his lack of response still bothered her.

But at the same time, he'd said he still loved her. The problem was that one little word: still. Did that mean he was also disappointed? Was she overanalyzing all of this? Probably. But why had he phrased it like that? What had he meant? Most of all, would he ever want to see her again?

And what about Tyler? He'd tried to act like he was ok with this, but that was what he did. Her brother put on his best face, rolled with the punches, and bitched about it later. So had his attempts to understand and call her Rhaven been some defense mechanism? When his friends found out and started giving him shit, would Tyler suddenly change his mind?

She should've stayed and talked about it. Rhaven knew that now, but at the time, running away had seemed like the best bet. It still did, in a way, because if she didn't know,