nose is bleeding.” He does pull away, watching me with guilt in his gaze.
I touch my nose, finding it damp. The blood vow’s wicked magic recedes, but not my resolution to stomp on it until it dies. Saxon grabs a napkin from my kitchen counter and then gently cleans up the mess. His eyes are bloodshot, and his cheeks are still damp from tears. He just shared gut-wrenching memories, but here he is, taking care of me.
“I love you,” I blurt out.
He freezes while his eyes search mine. I don’t dare to breathe while I wait for him to say something, anything. Oh, God.
“I don’t expect you to say it back,” I add quickly. “I just want you to know.”
He steps back and I catch the slight shake of his head. “Thanks. But that’s the mating bond talking.”
My heart plummets. He doesn’t believe me. I think that’s worse than him not saying it back.
“It’s not.”
“I believe you believe the feeling is real. That’s quite normal. The mating bond magic is strong; it can muddle things up.”
“Don’t presume to know what I’m feeling,” I grit out.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. But it’s the same for me too.”
“Are you saying you think you love me, but in reality, you don’t?”
The way Saxon opens and shuts his mouth like a fish out of water would have been comical if I wasn’t hurting so badly.
“I’m sensing there’s a trap here.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Ugh! Never mind, Saxon. If you don’t want to believe me, fine. I don’t care.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what to think, or what to trust. This is new to me, and honestly, I don’t see how you could love me for real knowing what you do now.”
“Knowing what I know?” My voice rises to a shrill. “That your father was a fucking psycho who betrayed his king and killed his own daughter? How could knowing that possibly change the way I feel about you?”
“Don’t you get it? I wasn’t an innocent bystander, Rora. During the time I spent by my father’s side, I committed a number of atrocities too.”
“Did you cut a bunch of humans and let them bleed to death?”
“No, but I did kill innocent people. I just made sure they died quickly.”
Shit. I’m not going to deny it. The knowledge that Saxon did despicable things hurts. It was naive of me to not realize that part of the story until he pointed it out. But I also get why he doesn’t believe that I love him.
“You’re so fucking stupid,” I say.
His eyes widen. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You should go now. I need to process all this.”
“All right. I think I’m going to train with Ronan for a bit.”
“You do that. Just stay away from Calvin.”
If the mood was awkward before, now it just reached tense-as-fuck levels. Saxon squints. “I’ll try my best.”
He strides out of my apartment, banging the door with so much fury, the picture hanging next to it falls to the floor. The glass shatters, but I don’t move to clean up the mess. I simply keep staring at it, wondering how this evening got so messed up in a matter of minutes.
It’s the fucking L-word, Aurora. You should have never said it out loud.
28
Saxon
Bloodstone Institute has two gyms, one used by Hanson for his pitiful Keepers Training class, and an older one, which smells of sweat and blood and definitely needs a fresh coat of paint. The appeal of the old gym room is its location in the east wing, which is currently closed off. We can train as hard as we want for hours without interruption.
This part of the building was open when I was here the last time, but I can see why Solomon decided to shut it off. It’s in serious need of renovation. Peeling wallpaper, dripping pipes, and the obnoxious smell of rotten wood and mildew are prevalent in this area. Ironically, I’ve never seen anyone working on anything here in the past month.
The lights in the hallways are old and dim, and in some spots, they’ve gone out completely. Not that it matters to vampires. We can see perfectly in the dark. As I approach the gym, brighter light pours through the cracks of the double doors. Grunts and then loud cursing reach my ears. Lucca’s distinct laugh echoes in the empty corridor. It’s been fucking centuries since I heard him amused like that. Vivienne did more than lift the curse,