we make the promise to each other, we’ll keep each other safe from prison. Deal?’”
Logan’s hand is still on my leg. “Yes, we’re free spirits. But is the truth that you don’t think you deserve a real relationship? Is that what you still feel?”
I shake my head. “No. Of course not. I’m just meant to be single. Can we please continue?”
He nods but keeps his hand on me.
Logan’s eyes glowed in the moonlight, and his full mouth twisted into a sort of smile, a sort of frown. “So a lifetime pact to always be alone.”
“A lifetime pact to always be independent, and to never hold each other back. We’ll always let each other go afterward.”
Logan’s eyes locked with mine. “So if we make this pact and have sex, can we have sex again as long as we let each other go after?”
Every hormone in my body vibrated. “Yes.”
“But if it’s hard to let go, we’ll have to pull back and do it less often,” Logan said.
“Okay. That makes sense. Once a year, maybe?”
“Yeah, once a year sounds good,” he said. “Granted, you and I are crazy, right? We think we can control sex.”
“And feelings,” I whispered. I could hear the franticness in my voice when I added, “But I have to control them. Or else, I can’t do this with you.”
Logan looked at me for over a minute in silence. Just when I was sure he’d say no, he stuck out his hand, and I shook it.
He nodded once at me. “I think this will work. At the very least, I’m willing to try. Let’s make the pact.”
Chapter Fifteen
“We made a pact,” I say in a bare whisper. “But it was silly to say forever. And I want you to be happy, Logan. It was unfair of me to ask you to stay unattached just because I had to.”
“One, you didn’t force me to do anything. I wanted the same things you did. And two, you lied to me then.” Emotion is making his voice gravelly. “You wanted more and didn’t think you could get it. Why?”
“You know my parents as well as I do. And you know what the whole town says about them: ‘Mama’s crazy as a hatter, and Daddy can’t walk a straight line.’”
“So what?” he says. “So what if they’re who they are? You’re you.”
“Yeah, and I got to take care of them and their kids for my whole life. I was their first mistake, and I’m the reason they married in the first place. So I owed them.”
“Bullcrap. You didn’t owe them anything! You deserve happiness as much as anybody else, maybe more.”
Logan’s lips are so close I want to throw my mouth on his and not look back. Instead, I turn back to my diary.
We got into Logan’s truck without a word, and he drove down the nearest dirt road. When the clutch stuck, he pulled me close until our lips found each other’s underneath the moon.
“I have protection,” he said into my ear. “Here in the truck.”
I looked at him. “When did you buy it?”
“After the day we spent in the wildflowers.”
My stomach clenched. “You bought condoms for me?”
“For us. We’ll always be safe, Mace.”
I kissed him. And then, it just happened. Naturally and perfectly. We took off each other’s clothes, every last piece of clothing, including all the pins I’d used to tie up my hair. I let my waves down, and Logan tangled them up in his hands as he used his lips to turn me on in every way possible. I helped him with the condom, and then I let him inside me without hesitation. We stayed intertwined for a long time.
I called out his name when I slipped over the edge, my eyes fastened on his.
“Jesus, Macey.” He fell right after me, his teeth lightly grazing my shoulder as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. “You’re beautiful.”
The air has grown so thick inside the cell that I swear I can see a mist swirling around us. My legs stay tightly closed, and I work to control my breathing so I don’t sound as utterly turned on as I feel inside.
And I held him, and he held me, for hours afterwards.
When dawn broke, I shifted and told him I should put some clothes on.
“You don’t need clothes.” He touched my stomach and kissed my breast. “You’re perfect just as you are.”
The experience was different in the light, somehow, like the night had been protecting me, and now I felt