of my view changed and I could see the whole of the lounge. Her companion wasn’t one of her usual girlfriends. It was a boy. He was taller than she was, so he had to be older. Most of the boys her age have yet to catch up with her. They argued. She buttoned up her blouse.
That’s what had looked so odd at the back door. Her shirt had been untucked and overlapped tightly around her, underneath her crossed arms.
I strode in. “Alexandra, won’t you introduce me to your friend?” I folded my arms across my chest.
She popped the last button in through its slit. “Gordon gave me a ride,” she said. Meaning a car. I know she meant his car.
His shirt was untucked too. He held his blazer in front of himself, draped awkwardly over his arm.
“You can go now,” I said to him.
He tried to get a cue from Alexandra. She shook her head and lifted her shoulders. I stepped between them. “Now!” I said.
When Alexandra turned to watch him drive away, I saw that her shirt had two lumps at the back where the ends of her bra were undone and poked up.
I took her blazer from the couch and handed it to her.
“Is there a problem?” she demanded, putting her arms into the sleeves.
“How old is he?”
“None of your business!”
“You’re fourteen!”
She feigned shock. “Oh my God, you’re right! Better change my nappy and put me down for an afternoon sleep!”
She ran upstairs. The stair railing rattled.
I sat down on the bottom step. After a few minutes I was calm. I went up and tapped lightly on her door. She didn’t answer. I opened it anyway.
She sat cross-legged on her bed. Her teddies were lined up behind her against the headboard. The duvet was neat underneath her. Mum must make her bed up; I know Alex wouldn’t be bothered.
“I’m sorry that I embarrassed you,” I said.
She looked at me with red eyes. “I don’t forgive you.”
I nodded. I didn’t expect her to.
“It’s only that—”
“No! Don’t tell me! I’m too young, right? And boys only want one thing? It’s not like we came up to my room. We were just messing about.”
She still slept with bears and plush ponies. A boy didn’t belong on this bed.
“Don’t tell Mum,” she begged.
I promised.
“And get out of my room.”
I did. I shut the door so that it clicked.
The house phone rang. She snatched up her extension.
“Hello … Oh, I’m sorry,” she said loudly enough to be clear to me. “He’s not allowed to talk to girls!” She hung up with an angry beep and threw the handset at the door.
“Who was it?” I demanded through the door.
“Some slag for you. Don’t you know they want only one thing?”
Had the caller been Liv? Why would she call this number? Maybe it was Polly?
Polly wouldn’t know this number either. Or think that I was here. Or want to speak to me.
She’d literally recoiled from me. Not just from me going too far, but then from me trying to help, trying to apologise, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. She’d run away from me.
And soon Liv would tell her where I’d ended up from there.
I leaned against Alexandra’s door.
The phone rang again. Alexandra let it ring. I dashed downstairs to the extension in the lounge. “Polly?”
It was Mum. “Oh, Nick! Are you staying for dinner?”
I said no. Mum was disappointed. But if I stayed Alexandra would refuse to join us, or she’d sit with us but not eat. She’d find a way to protest my presence, silently daring me to tell on her, and promising hate forever if I did. It wasn’t worth it. Not tonight.
Mum said she’d be home soon, so I left Alexandra by herself. On the way out, I picked up a thick fallen branch and sent it sailing toward the neighbours’ fence. The wooden slats rattled when it hit. I was tired of looking after people. I was tired of working ’round everyone’s delicate feelings. Our neighbour, Mrs. Cowley, was frightened by sudden noises, by any token of our existence, really; but what if I wanted to throw something? What about my feelings?
I didn’t relax until I pushed in the heavy oak door of a pub.
By the time Richard Keene walked in I was past thinking clearly. He was with Alice. They would be married soon. I acted like it was my first drink. It wasn’t anywhere near that.
“Working hard?” Richard asked. Because he was my supervisor. I