it would change nothing.
“Well, get out from behind your computer more. What the hell do you want to write all the time for anyway? You have everything you could want.”
With a flash of her eyes, she folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t write for the money.” Sometimes, she wondered if he knew her at all.
Nick’s face hardened, and he stretched one arm out stiff against the steering wheel. “I’m sorry. I understand writing is your hobby. I just want you to be happy. Spend more time on fun things. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot. I’m glad you’re home. We’ll talk when Max takes his nap. He should be ready for one by the time we get home.” He reached out, took her hand, and held it between them. “All right?”
“No nap!” Max proclaimed loudly.
They laughed. They loved Max. That was something. No, there was more. She’d try to love him like she used to. He probably did love her, but simply didn’t grasp how to show it. About two weeks before Nick left the house, they made love. Usually they had sex, good sex, but the connection was never about him loving her. Making love was different. He said I love you as they made love that one afternoon, and for the first time in years, she believed he meant the words. She couldn’t remember if it was their last time together. It seemed like it.
Before the suicide attempt, before Max and the affairs, she thought she couldn’t live without Nick. More than once, the thought crossed her mind that she felt the same way about Jackson. Time would change things. This go around, she knew she didn’t need Nick or Jackson. Her strength would be what carried her from now on. She stared at the sapphire. Nick wouldn’t even notice the ring. Stuff like clothes and jewelry blew by him, and she was glad because despite not needing Jackson, she wanted him and loved him. The ring signified their connection, but the reminder wasn’t necessary. They were silent the remainder of the ride home.
Déjà vu overwhelmed her when she entered the house. They could’ve been returning from the grocery store. After putting Max to bed, she went down to the deck. The day was cool and crisp. She breathed deeply, filling her lungs with the fresh air. She loved the fall. It was good to be home, good to be safe and secure. Maybe she’d tell Nick about the book; possibly, he’d recognize her writing wasn’t some stupid hobby.
Nick surprised her, coming up from behind. He put his arms around her waist and leaned his face next to hers. She pushed away thoughts of Jackson. She had to. This was real life.
“I want us to try,” he said.
She turned to faced him. “I do, too. A lot has happened; can we get past everything?”
They regarded each other, both questioning.
“I’ll get us some coffee and start a fire. We can talk,” he said.
They gave each other a half nod of understanding. When he headed to the kitchen, she looked out onto the lake, sighed, and headed to the living room.
She leaned back into the cushy sofa with her feet tucked under her, and grabbed a throw. Once Nick started the fire and brewed and served the coffee, he sat next to her. They sat in quiet for a few minutes.
“So where do we start? Was it awful?” he asked.
“How’s Max adjusting to being home?”
“I guess avoiding the question means you don’t want to talk about what happened? He’s doing great. He’ll be fine. I worry about you, though. If you need to talk, I’m here.”
Where were you eight months ago? When I wanted to talk. She willed herself not to think so negatively.
He kissed her cheek and moved to kiss her lips. She didn’t move away, but turned her head a bit. Being with Nick again would take some time. Jackson was fresh in her memory.
Nick blew out a breath and leaned back into the sofa. “I only want to make things better.”
Sex had always been what fixed them. Until the next time. This time had to be different.
“I do, too. I’ll need some time, though.” The problem was she didn’t know how much time adjusting would take.
His fingers played in her hair. “Okay. Take whatever time you need. Do you want to take a nap?” He took her hand and weaved his fingers with hers. “I promise I’ll leave you alone. I just want