who loves you for you but wants you to be your best, better than the father is?”
“I…” Claudia had never heard him talk like this.
“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, because I didn’t want you to think I was leaving like I did last time.”
Last time, when he had left without a word, begging his father to let her know he had gone to move into his dorm room early, to get ready for his fall classes.
“And I’m not going to be back for a while. May’s pissed, but she’ll have to get over it. I’m sure she’ll send me pictures galore of the baby when it’s born, and it will be good enough for me if not for her. It’s all I can offer.” He took a breath. “Speaking of pictures, if you want to send one or two of Justin over the years, I wouldn’t mind. One of those baseball trading cards everyone was talking about. And maybe some of the things he’s drawing, too. He drew me a cartoon on a napkin at the dinner, and it was pretty good. If he ever wants to pursue something like that, give me a holler and I’ll be happy to shell out some money to help him get into a good college.”
She was going to get a word into this conversation if she had to yell it. “Peter, I appreciate the offer, and I will send you some pictures, but you don’t have to cut yourself off completely just because things didn’t fall into place the first time you tried. Justin could possibly warm up to you if you spent more time with him, and May is going to be far more than pissed if you don’t come see her baby before she can travel.” What was she saying? She could be free of him indefinitely, and here she was inviting him to come back in a matter of months.
“You always did have a bigger heart than me, Claudia. I’ll see, when the time comes. But for now, I think you ought to run down Nate and officially make him a dad to that boy. He’s done all the work and been by your side for years. He had a thing for you when we were together, and he threatened to beat the shit out of me if I ever hurt you. And then he did when I left for college. He came and gave me a shiner I didn’t get rid of for days. He loves you in a way I never would have been good at. Patiently, quietly, wholly.”
More insight, and this was much weightier. Nate loved her, in Peter’s eyes? Nate had punched Peter? She’d have to wrap her head around that later.
“I’m going to go now,” he said, cutting into her reeling thoughts. “I have to get back home and you have to get on with your life. Thanks for raising a great kid, Claude. You did it right all by yourself, and though it probably means nothing, I’m proud of you.” He hung up, leaving her to sputter. But she couldn’t sputter long, because she had that cake test-tasting in less than five minutes.
Still, she found May and asked her to greet the bride when she came in and let her know Claudia would be out in just a moment. Claudia needed a moment to breathe and think through what had just happened before she put her happy face on and handed out sweets.
Back in the small office with its more comfortable new chairs, she sat and hung her head down near her knees. Talking with Peter had been shades of the man she had fallen in love with when they were teenagers. The one who would talk with her for hours while holding her hand and staring at the stars. To say he broke her heart when he left was a lie, since he had broken it two months prior when he offered to pay for her abortion because he wasn’t ready to be a father. He couldn’t see how he could go to college and get a degree when he’d have diapers to change and a squalling kid to deal with. He’d changed in that moment into someone she was better off without. She knew now it had probably just been his panic talking, but it really had turned out better for all of them that he had been able to walk away.
She cried, because she could, for the first time