like hours, but they had only shared the silence for a few minutes. Suddenly, she let out a low exhale and took hold of his left hand then entwined their fingers.
“Do you remember when I suggested that we elope? We were getting our tattoos, and I had said it would be more sentimental if we did. Do you remember?”
Julian turned his gaze away from his lap and to Stephanie staring at him. The hurt in her eyes mixed with something else. One of those beautiful sights, one that reeked of revelation and pain.
He smiled at the memory. “You asked me if I would really elope with you.”
Stephanie shifted so that she faced him. Then she took a deep breath. “I didn’t ask you because I thought it was sentimental. I asked you because I really wanted to.”
He averted her sad eyes and whispered, “Then why did you wake up and leave? You said eloping had to be as spontaneous as our decisions. Was your decision to leave me spontaneous, too? Was there substance to it?”
“Could you please look at me?” And he did. She blinked once. “Earlier today, you told me that you loved me. I told you I leeked you.” Tears slowly slid down her cheeks.
“Not the same, is it? I love you, and you leek me. I loved you, and you left me. I loved you, and you loved Charles. I love you, and you let me hurt over you. I love you, and you let the elevator doors answer for you.” He hadn’t meant the force in his voice. And he definitely didn’t mean for his eyes to water. He quickly pulled his hand from hers and heard her small gasp. It was as if he had shoved his own hand into his chest and pulled out his heart, displaying it to her. He’d scream that the blackness of his organ was because of her.
“Our last night,” she let out.
“Don’t,” he said, stopping her. Julian stood up and stared down at her. “Just don’t. Don’t even ruin that night for me. Let me have those good memories.”
Then Julian turned and pulled the apartment key from his pocket. From the corner of his eye, he could see her blonde hair. All he wanted to do was pick her up from her floor, take her into his room, and hold her. Let her cry into his arms until he could ask for a ‘do-over’ and figure out how they could spend their lives together. It was so much harder than that. He had suffered for her. That he admitted. But he wasn’t sure how much longer he could endure his suffrage. Once he had wiped the moisture off his cheek with the back of his hand, Julian placed the key into the lock.
“I love you,” Stephanie whispered once the key was completely in.
He felt the air quickly leave him. He’d heard it. But he wasn’t sure if he had suddenly died or he had imagined it. Julian glanced down to see her staring at her hands.
“What?” he breathed out unbelievably.
Stephanie lifted her chin and her glassy eyes met his. “That night. I said it to you when you took my virginity. The moment after you broke my hymen, I said it.” Then she stood up and took his hands. “That was then…”
“B-but not now?”
Her hands slid up his arms, grazed his neck before she cupped his face. “Right now?”
Julian nodded.
Her eyes had fluttered closed and she had taken two deep breaths before she opened them. “I am so in love with you that it terrifies me. I don’t just leek you or like you. I love you, Julian Moors. I’ve been in love with you since you quoted me To Kill a Mockingbird. I’ve been in love with you since you first smiled at me, since you first looked at me, since you first called me Blondie. And I knew I would never love anyone as I did you when you first kissed me. I’ve never loved anyone the same. It doesn’t make sense. We don’t make sense. We’re irrational. We’re spontaneous. We’re everything that should have ended. But we make sense. We’re completely rational. We’re spontaneous, but that’s what I love most. You’re everything I should run from, but I can’t.” She paused and then sniffed. “I’m in love with you. I’ve only loved two people in life, Julian. And I’ve loved and love you the most.”