all those years ago. I feel it in every atom in me. I know she loves me. But she doesn’t want to love me. She hides behind so many secrets that it blindsides her. She’s so afraid of being vulnerable. She’s so scared of me being in love with her.”
“Son. Love makes us vulnerable. It makes us our weakest to show us our strongest parts of ourselves. Love makes us wish we were better for someone else. Love makes us want things for someone else—even if that means hurting ourselves. Without the mess, love isn’t that glorious. A woman being that scared to be that vulnerable is worth waiting for, Julian. She’s a woman who loves wholeheartedly without realising that she’s already suffered for you.”
Has Stephanie already suffered for me?
Julian tilted his head at his father. “I’ve suffered for her. I know there’s better for her, but I still need her. I’m at my weakest in hopes to find my strength within her. I love her enough to deal with the mess in her head, the mess of her past, and the mess her demons drown her in. I’m in love with Stephanie Appleton. And I’m not afraid that she’s going to fuck me over. I expect this to hurt. It’d mean nothing if it didn’t. If there’s no pain, there’s no… substance.”
“You need to tell your brother. He loved her, too,” his dad said. The sadness in his voice was hard to miss as was the way his eyebrows creased together and the corners of his lips deepened into a frown. There was no hiding exactly who he was in love with. For his father had known about Stephanie and Rob before Julian did.
“I will. I know this sounds selfish, but right now, Rob’s feelings don’t concern me. Just Stephanie’s. I know that he’s hung up on Ally. But he doesn’t know Stephanie like I do. He doesn’t love her the way I do. I have to keep him in the dark in hopes of being able to keep her in the light.”
“Is she your soul mate?” Every aspect of his father’s face softened, and his eyes twinkled with hope.
Julian nodded slowly. “She’s mine. But I think someone who made her feel safe and loved is hers. But that doesn’t mean her heart is his. I know her heart belongs to me, Dad. Just like mine has been hers. Before and after her… there was no one else but Stephanie.”
A proud grin stretched across his father’s lips. “Then you never let go.”
Never.
When the elevator opened on Max’s floor of his Southbank apartment, Julian let out a heavy sigh, knowing that tonight he’d sleep alone. The fifty-minute drive back into the city had been lonely. But it also meant he’d thought of Stephanie. He’d never let her go, but if he was doing more harm than good, then he had no idea how he could stay. Better. That word crossed his mind several times. Whatever she had gone through, she was now better. That was until they met again. It seemed she had all but relapsed because of him. Just the thought made his stomach knot, and he hung his head as he walked towards the apartment.
Maybe I’m the one who’s not good for her.
I made a mess of all the things that made her better.
“I make her worse,” he muttered and dug his hand into his pocket.
I don’t make her better.
Charles made her better.
When Julian lifted his chin, his fingers grasped the keys as he took in the sight of Stephanie. She sat on the hallway floor with her back leant against the front door and her eyes set on her phone. Julian swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure if she had heard him yet. He wasn’t even sure why she was at Max’s apartment. If she was after Max, then she should have gone to his office. But the obvious frown he could just see was evident that she was there because of him. There were no ifs, ands, or buts that he had hurt her. Julian felt the tremors of his heart. He felt the fear within him, too. She’d tell him that she could never love him. He knew the inevitable. But he hoped to avoid it. Destroy it. Make sure it never happened.
He said nothing as he removed his hand from his pocket and approached Stephanie. With a deep breath, he sat next to her and stared at his crossed legs rather than her. It seemed