into a sense of wanting, needing. All he wanted to do was fix her. Heal her. Make her smile as she used to. See the twinkle of freedom in her eyes once more. All he wanted to do was make her happy.
He dug his hands into his pockets and then shrugged. “Tell Mona that Whitley sports’ advertisements were all over the freeway. They were understated in their approach, but that was what they’re going for. Simple but effective. Other brands were superficial but theirs had meaning for consumers. It’s meant to impact a person’s emotional appeals.”
“You looked at the billboards for me?” she asked softly. Her shoulders sagged and then she tilted her head back.
“You seemed upset. I didn’t want to remind you of Mona’s assignment.”
“Why?” she asked before she lowered her chin to meet his stare. “Why would you do that for me?”
He took a deep breath. “Because I care about you.”
“You care about me?”
No… I love you.
“Honestly, Stephanie. More than I probably should. More than you want me to. And more than you’ll let me¸” he explained.
“Is that why you’re standing outside of the apartment?” Stephanie asked in a small voice. It sounded strained. It—she—sounded fragile.
Julian nodded his head. There was no doubt that he didn’t trust himself around her. He was afraid that one word or one action would cause her to leave him once again.
“I can’t be truthful with you. Not yet. Not when I know there’s a possibility that the moment I tell you everything, you’ll leave me. You’ll see what a monster I am. You’ll see the truth and hate me. That’s what I’m afraid of. And that’s why I’m so reluctant with you, Julian. I don’t deserve your attention or your time. And you don’t deserve what I could do to you. I’m destructive.” Tears ran down Stephanie’s face. They weren’t droplets. They were the beginnings of her sob.
“Steph—” He quickly shut his mouth, unsure what to say. There was so much painful emotion in her voice that it caused the unfurling burn in his chest. The struggle to breathe. He felt her pain. It was unbearable and he struggled. But he wanted it if it meant that she wouldn’t have to endure it.
“I won’t blame you if you turn around and I never see you again. I won’t come after you. I’ll never ask for you. I’ll never want anything from you. If you want to get even for what I did in Thailand, then now’s your chance, Julian. Do what I did to you. Hurt me the way I hurt you. Because I care about you. I have since Thailand. I have since the moment you told me your name. So do it. Hurt me! Turn around and walk away. Go find another girl who won’t do what I did to you. Find someone you can trust with your heart.”
There.
Right there.
Julian knew that at this moment there was a chance that she could love him. She hadn’t said it, but the intention was there. It wasn’t love if it were easy. It wouldn’t be worth the pain if he were handed it. It wouldn’t be the love that he wanted if he didn’t have to work for it. And for Stephanie Appleton’s love, he’d spend the rest of his life working towards knowing that inch of love she could give him.
The slow burn in his heart’s valves bled into his vessels and spread throughout his body. If he didn’t already love her, then he would now. Loving her now was an even greater risk than loving her in Thailand had been. But there was no one out there who he trusted more than Stephanie. There was no other woman out there who he’d willingly hand his heart to and let it be bruised by. There was no one else the moment he had met Stephanie.
I want to know what it’s like to be loved by her.
I want to know what it’s like to hear her say those three words.
I want know what it’s like to have her heart.
I want to know what it’s like to be hers.
He had made the decision before the moment he took that one step. He had drawn in air before he gripped the door and swung it closed. Julian watched her shake her head and cover her face with her hands. Then she sobbed. She cried for him. She cried for them. The fact was, she cried. Her tough exterior had finally liquefied.