of paper to the left and decide to go for a walk, to clear my head instead.
I haven’t seen Cody since that night. I haven’t spoken to him either. A deep pain settles inside my chest, digging there and planting seeds of insecurity and doubt.
The insecurity that stands with me as I head to the other side of my office makes me think it’s all a childish crush. It was most likely a one-time thing. He may even think it’s a mistake. I wouldn’t know, since he hasn’t spoken to me.
I barely ever dated my entire life. I dated one guy in college for a few months and that shitty experience was enough to convince me to focus on my studies. I had a fuck buddy, though. And then another in law school. It was exactly what I needed. I focused on my work and there was someone around for the release when either of us needed it.
The thought of Cody being just a fuck buddy sends a sharp pain straight through my chest, one I don’t expect.
I’ve always struggled when it comes to men. I suppose I have my father to thank for that, I think bitterly as I slip on my red wool coat and cinch it tight around my waist. My sister would argue it’s our mother I should blame.
The wool strap digs into my palms as I pull the belt even tighter, staring at one article on the wall and then the next, the light from the large window behind my desk shining against the pristine glass.
Nostalgia lingers for a moment, back to the moment I started hanging the articles. I focused on putting monsters behind bars and got the hell out of our Podunk town in upstate New York.
I was so proud of this office. I thought I’d really made it and it would only get better. I thought I would only get better.
The door swings open without an invitation and Claire stares at my desk for a moment, her tall figure draped in a brown twill pantsuit. The expression on her face is foreboding but loses its strength when she takes in an empty desk.
“Right here,” I speak up, squaring my shoulders and giving her a questioning look in return to her stricken expression.
“Did you see this?” Her voice is lowered and it’s only after she hands me the paper that she turns away from me to shut the door to my office. It’s not a loud bang, it’s gentle. Nerves prick at the back of my neck as the rolled newspaper crinkles open between my fingers.
Claire Eastings is never gentle.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I scan the article.
“‘Fuck’ is right. They’re having a goddamn field day.” Claire’s comments are accompanied by her pacing back and forth in her short heels, muted from the modern woven carpet until she steps on the hardwood flooring. Then back onto the carpet and so on and so forth.
That rug is the single piece in this room that differs from the rest of the offices. Everyone else has framed photos like me, although mine are articles. Everyone else has the same black leather stationery set on a mahogany desk and an entire wall lined with bookshelves filled with necessary reference texts.
My coat is the only splash of life and color in this place. Disappointment carries to my lips, pulling them down as I refuse to read any more of the article.
“I’m not surprised,” Claire comments with her arms crossed as she stands in front of me, her pacing momentarily paused. “You opened the door for criticism.”
She’s referring to my unfortunate “rot in hell” experience, mentioned in the article … twice. “I know,” I answer her with a heavy breath and suddenly my rendezvous with Agent Walsh doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
“He walked, there’s no proof if we can’t use the evidence,” I say and frustration coats every word. “Ross Brass got off. The press will fade. It’s not going to trial. It’s done.”
“It should have been done. The press can keep it alive and compare to any other case they want.” It surprises me that she’s letting it get to her.
“Do you want me to issue a statement?” I offer, feeling that insecurity creep up my spine. “I can’t be blamed for the PD’s errors.”
“No, no …” Unfolding her arms, Claire looks past me and her gaze seems far away. There’s no anger, no fire blazing there. Defeat wades in the depths of her irises. It sends a chill