his father’s death, he’d learned to face his problems head-on, though, and did.
But how could he face and resolve this? He could barely articulate the issue. Tanja wasn’t purposely chipping away at his soul. He was opening up despite every instinct in him warning against it. It went far beyond physical. He had few inhibitions there, but he had revealed things to her about his father and his childhood, things he’d never told anyone. They were the sorts of things that could be used as weapons the way his parents had used their own weaknesses against each other.
He almost wished Tanja had told him to go to hell when he had made his case for them to resume having sex.
I’m afraid that if I sleep with you, I’ll fall in love with you.
He was afraid she would, too. He couldn’t lead her on again, but he couldn’t dodge, run or otherwise distance himself. That would be cowardly.
The fact was that he wanted to be right where he was, able to put his hands on her as freely as he liked. Drinking in her scent and combing his fingers through the fine strands of her hair as she relaxed with a soft murmur against him.
With a sudden inhale of realization, she tilted her head back. “What if I never claim it?”
“What?”
“The settlement.” A gotcha smile danced around her mouth. “If we never divorce, then I never have to accept your money. I’ve got you, haven’t I?”
Whatever came into his features caused her expression to flinch and fall into stiff lines.
“It was a joke,” she said with a note of hurt.
“I know. It’s fine,” he lied, tucking her face under his chin again, heart unsteady. He was barely able to pick apart the intense emotions that were throbbing like live nerve endings throughout his body. He had sudden visions of the arrows his parents had refused to cease aiming at one another, only this time they were aimed at Tanja.
No.
“I grew up with a brother,” she was muttering. “I learned to be competitive. I wanted to prove I could outsmart you, that’s all.” The trusting way she’d been relaxed against him had evaporated. She was nothing but bony, ropy tension now.
“I know,” he assured her with a single sweep of his palm down her narrow back. But he’d heard more beneath her remark than excitement at finding a loophole. He might not know everything about his wife, but he knew she believed in people and futures and family. “But do you remember what I said about being realistic?” he asked gently.
She was silent for a long time, but the way she was holding her breath told him she was still awake. Hell, she wasn’t fighting tears, was she? That would kill him.
When she spoke, her voice held the toughness he’d always admired in her. “I think you underestimate my desire to win,” she said with quiet dignity.
And she was underestimating his willingness to lose, especially if it meant she and her child would be better off in the long run. He only kissed her forehead and said, “Let’s just enjoy what we have right now.”
Tanja woke in a lingering stupor from their lovemaking. Leon had risen in the night to close all the doors. Within moments of him returning to the bed, they’d been making love again with equally cataclysmic results.
That had been deeply reassuring, given how he’d reacted to her suggestion they stay married. She hadn’t meant to sound so... Ugh. She threw her arm over her eyes, angry with herself over something that had been a stupid joke.
One that had brimmed with wistful yearning on her part, she had realized once he’d brutally shut down “forever” as an option. Recalling his “be realistic” warning—twice—caused sharp cracks to fracture from the middle of her heart outward, making all her bones ache.
Tanja was a hopeful person by nature. She couldn’t help thinking they had something, given that neither of them had slept with anyone else in five years. Their first time falling into bed again had probably registered on nearby seismographs.
But things were happening much as they had the last time. Leon turned her head. Of course he did. He was a man who had everything—looks and wit and smarts. Wealth and confidence and, as it turned out, a massive soft spot for a baby who wasn’t even his.
Any woman in the world would find him irresistible and spin a few fantasies about hitching her future to his.
Tanja had opened her heart