didn’t see the letter.”
He stares at me, his eyes darting back and forth between mine. “What do you mean, you didn’t see it?”
“Lane found it and he kept it from me. I didn’t even know it existed until I found it in his desk while I was looking for something else.”
Jesse laughs, though there isn’t an ounce of humor in his eyes. “Wow, that’s great. I bet he read it, too.”
I nod and he pushes off the couch, fists clenched.
“I should have killed that fucker.” He paces away and then spins back to me. “But you eventually found out. You eventually realized how I felt.”
“I found the letter the day I left him.”
“What?” he asks again.
“Yeah,” I rasp, my throat raw with emotion. “Jesse, everything you said… how you felt…”
His face twists as if my words aren’t computing. “For four fucking years, you had no idea. Every time I came to pick up Jett and drop him off. You never knew?”
I shake my head, tears stinging in my eyes.
“Fuck!” He scrubs his hands over his face and pivots away again.
“I wish I would have known. I wish I—”
“Why’d you go back to him in the first place if you had feelings for me?” he demands, voice raw.
“Because we were both very clear that feelings were off the table before we got involved.”
“But you got pregnant, Hayden. All that just for fun shit changed the second that happened.”
“You think that’s not exactly what I wanted? I came here to tell you, hoping you’d tell me you felt something, too. But you didn’t. All you said was that you would support me in any way you could. That you’d be there for the baby. Not me.”
“Because you were already back with him!”
“I would have changed that in a second if I would have known how you felt!”
“That’s where you lose me, babe. I don’t understand why your response to thinking I didn’t care was to go back to him and stay with him, even after you found out you were pregnant. If it was me you truly wanted, why not just be alone? Why go back to a guy who’d already hurt you? A guy who’d be so fucking shady as to keep us apart?”
I blink at him, the answer too shameful to say out loud. The truth is, I stayed because being in a less than ideal relationship fit better into that silly plan I had in my head than being a single mom at twenty-two.
I’ve never regretted getting pregnant with Jett, but becoming a mom before I ticked off the most significant boxes of that plan had scared the crap out of me. I’d worked so hard so I wouldn’t have to worry about putting my future family in an unstable situation and then—boom—that’s exactly what happened.
Staying with Lane? It wasn’t perfect. We weren’t perfect. But, at the time, it seemed like a better alternative to raising a child on my own.
“Hayden, I don’t doubt that you love me in some capacity. But how the hell do I know that you’re not here now for the same reasons you stayed with him? Because you’re scared to screw up. And because you’re even more afraid of how all of this might impact Jett.” He breaks off with a heavy exhale. “Don’t get me wrong, babe. As his dad, I appreciate you wanting to do everything you possibly can for our boy, but, if I’m going to be your partner in this, I need to know you’re doing it for the right reasons.”
“I am here for the right reasons. There isn’t a doubt in my mind. But you are right about me being afraid,” I confess, swiping at my tears with hasty fingertips. “I’ve been scared to death that I’d finally tell you how I felt and you wouldn’t believe me. Just like this.”
His face crunches. “I’m not saying I don’t believe you. I’m saying that you owe it to yourself to take some time and be sure you know exactly what it is you want. That you’re not here because it’s the right thing to do for Jett or for me or for that damn plan you’ve always had.”
I flinch, and he tips his head to the side, knowingly.
“That’s why you stayed with him, isn’t it?”
Heat fills my cheeks and I glance away.
“I get it,” he says gently. “I just wish I’d realized sooner.”
“Me, too.” I wish I’d realized a lot of things sooner, but here we are.
He blows out a