table. If I turned, I could just see her face in profile as she stood near the sink.
“Sounds like it’ll be fun,” I called out with what I hoped sounded like nonchalance. “And I know Joseph will enjoy it, too. Maybe there’s a show or something that you could see while you’re up there.”
“Maybe,” I heard her say. “I guess it depends on his schedule.”
Hearing the faucet run, I rose from my seat and brought my dishes to the sink. Jane said nothing as I approached.
“It should be a wonderful weekend,” I added.
She reached for my plate and began to rinse.
“Oh, about that . . . ,” she said.
“Yes?”
“I was thinking about staying up there for more than just the weekend.”
At her words, I felt my shoulders tense. “How long are you planning to stay?” I asked.
She set my plate off to the side.
“A couple of weeks,” she answered.
Of course, I didn’t blame Jane for the path our marriage seemed to have taken. Somehow I knew I bore a greater portion of the responsibility, even if I hadn’t yet put together all the pieces of why and how. For starters, I have to admit that I’ve never been quite the person my wife wanted me to be, even from the beginning of our marriage. I know, for instance, that she wished I were more romantic, the way her own father had been with her mother. Her father was the kind of man who would hold his wife’s hand in the hours after dinner or spontaneously pick a bouquet of wildflowers on his way home from work. Even as a child, Jane was enthralled by her parents’ romance. Over the years, I’ve heard her speaking with her sister Kate on the phone, wondering aloud why I seemed to find romance such a difficult concept. It isn’t that I haven’t made attempts, I just don’t seem to have an understanding of what it takes to make another’s heart start fluttering. Neither hugs nor kisses were common in the house where I’d grown up, and displaying affection often left me feeling uncomfortable, especially in the presence of my children. I talked to Jane’s father about it once, and he suggested that I write a letter to my wife. “Tell her why you love her,” he said, “and give specific reasons.” This was twelve years ago. I remember trying to take his advice, but as my hand hovered over the paper, I couldn’t seem to find the appropriate words. Eventually I put the pen aside. Unlike her father, I have never been comfortable discussing feelings. I’m steady, yes. Dependable, absolutely. Faithful, without a doubt. But romance, I hate to admit, is as foreign to me as giving birth.
I sometimes wonder how many other men are exactly like me.
While Jane was in New York, Joseph answered the phone when I called.
“Hey, Pop,” he said simply.
“Hey,” I said. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he said. After what seemed like a painfully long moment, he asked, “And you?”
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “It’s quiet around here, but I’m doing okay.” I paused. “How’s your mom’s visit going?”
“It’s fine. I’ve been keeping her busy.”
“Shopping and sightseeing?”
“A little. Mainly we’ve been doing a lot of talking. It’s been interesting.”
I hesitated. Though I wondered what he meant, Joseph seemed to feel no need to elaborate. “Oh,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice light. “Is she around?”
“Actually, she isn’t. She ran out to the grocery store. She’ll be back in a few minutes, though, if you want to call back.”
“No, that’s okay,” I said. “Just let her know that I called. I should be around all night if she wants to give me a ring.”
“Will do,” he agreed. Then, after a moment: “Hey, Pop? I wanted to ask you something.”
“Yes?”
“Did you really forget your anniversary?”
I took a long breath. “Yes,” I said, “I did.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I remembered that it was coming, but when the day arrived, it just slipped my mind. I don’t have an excuse.”
“It hurt her feelings,” he said.
“I know.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end. “Do you understand why?” he finally asked.
Though I didn’t answer Joseph’s question, I thought I did.
Quite simply, Jane didn’t want us to end up like the elderly couples we sometimes saw when dining out, couples that have always aroused our pity.
These couples are, I should make clear, usually polite to each other. The husband might pull out a chair or