I knew if he kept fisting me when it flared again, eventually he’d break it. But it would be nothing like when Magni and then Saga had taken me through my first heat.
Pain flared from my mate bonds at the thought of them, and I closed my eyes to stem the tears threatening to spill over. I was ungrateful, and I knew it. Modi had given me more than I could have expected, considering his reasons for denying me in the first place. Especially with how little he thought of me.
He’d called me a whore while he prepared me, and I was pretty sure he’d meant it. He didn’t like me, hated me for what I was and what it did to him and his brother, and where his harshness had been a turn-on while my heat was at its worst, right now it didn’t feel good at all.
I shifted underneath him to put some distance between us, the closeness suddenly unbearable.
Modi growled, the sound so rough and frightening I froze, my heart skipping a beat.
“M-Modi?” I asked. “What are you doing?”
“Stay.” It was a perfect imitation of when he’d commanded me to stay put for his fist, but this time the order was followed by a nearly violent nuzzle against my neck and shoulders. He breathed me in, humming in appreciation, followed by a few flicks of his tongue against my nape.
Oh.
His instincts still had him wrapped in the craze of hormones, his lack of release keeping him suspended in the primal stage of a rutting male.
I bit my lip, knowing what I had to do.
“Let me… Let me help you like you helped me,” I said, flushing as the words left my lips. I’d been more than happy to suck him off while I’d been high on my heat, but the current lull in my hormones made me all too aware of what I was offering.
He’d certainly not think me any less of a whore after this.
Modi scraped his teeth against my nape before he pulled back, lifting off me for a moment.
I began to turn to face him, but he pushed me back down with a large hand between my shoulder blades, pinning me in place.
My breath caught in my throat as he spread my thighs with his knees. I wasn’t ready for his fist again, but a tingle of excitement stirred low in my abdomen at being forced into position.
“No,” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure I meant it. “Not again. Not yet.”
“Yes.” The hand he wasn't using to keep me pinned came up to rub against my swollen labia, thick fingertips finding my clit.
I mewled at the contact, fire licking through my pelvis in response, melting my resistance as slick dripped from my opening, showing my alpha I was ready for him.
Modi growled in appreciation of my offering and dipped a finger into my heated depths. I clutched around him, at the same time reluctant and eager for his fist to follow, but after a few pumps of that single finger, he pulled his hand from me and raised up high on his knees.
“W-What are you doing?” I breathed.
I got my answer in the next second.
His big cock rested in the crack of my ass, hot and throbbing against my skin as he pressed back down over me, his heavy body taking the place of his hand in keeping me pinned. Then, in one smooth move, he shifted his hips, letting his bloated cockhead find my opening.
“Oh! Oh!” My eyes popped wide when realization dawned. In the next second, Modi pushed past my parted labia and deep into my pussy, his hard length bottoming out.
I screamed, arching into him and shuddering. “Yes! Modi, yes!”
It was nothing like his fist.
He was big, his girth stretching my sore muscles past the point of pleasure, but it was perfect. This was what I’d craved, this was how I was meant to be—stretched open on an alpha’s cock, a vessel for his lust.
But the alpha didn’t fuck me. He held still inside of me, the tip of his cock pressed against my fluttering cervix, his body quaking against mine.
“Annabel.” His voice broke on my name. “I…. fuck, I have never… You feel… Stars above, Anna!”
Only then did the true implication of his refusal to risk bringing a life into existence dawn on me.
I was his first.
I made him break his vow.
“Modi,” I murmured, caught between my desperation for him to rut me through my rising heat and guilt at