for half a second I want to reach out and grab her. I want to pull her onto my lap and tell her how thankful I am that she did this for me, but I don’t. Instead I sit in silence as she walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs. My plate is empty, but somehow I’m still hungry. I feel hollow inside like I’ve never been full, and I rub at my chest. Why won’t this feeling go away?
After I eat another plateful of food, I decide to clean up the dishes. She did all this work to make it look nice and got up early to cook for me. The least I can do is put my dishes away. I take my time and dawdle a little longer than necessary, but it’s definitely not because I want to see her again before I leave.
When I hear Otis whistle outside the barn, I know I’m out of time, so I grab my lunch and my hat on the way out the door. The fall air is cool this morning, and it smells like winter is hot on its heels. At the last second, I go back inside and throw a couple of logs in the fireplace and light it up, thinking that I don’t want Dotty to catch a chill.
When I get to the barn, Otis gives me an odd look as he drinks his coffee. “You okay this morning?” I nod and he cocks his head to the side. “You look different.”
“How?”
“Don’t know really.” He walks over to the stables and places his mug on the railing as he grabs the saddle. “But you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I stop and stare at him as my eyebrows pull together. “What?”
“Not scared or anything. It’s hard to explain.” He looks me over again as he carries the saddle to the next stall. “You just look like you’ve seen something, maybe something for the first time.”
Otis turns his back to me as he saddles the horse, and I think about what he’s saying. I glance out of the barn doors and to the big house where Dotty is in the shower. I think about seeing her in the kitchen and how much I ached to hold her. I’ve never been touched by a woman, not even for an embrace, but I imagine a hug from her would make this ache in my chest go away.
The problem is she’s got a ring on her finger, so she belongs to someone else. But if she were mine, I don’t think I could ever let her go.
Chapter Five
Dotty
I pull the needle through one more time before I cut the thread to the button on Clay’s jeans. There’s no point in throwing them out if I can fix them.
Laundry was the next task after the kitchen, but it’s mind-boggling the amount of dirty clothes he has. It’s going to take some time to get it all done with only one washer and dryer. A laundromat would be best, but no way am I hauling all this around.
I fold the jeans and put them with the others, but my eyes keep drifting back to the first load of white shirts I did. I think there will be four loads in total by the time I’m done, which is crazy. It could be five if I keep finding them in random places. Who needs that many shirts?
My cell buzzes on the table next to me with a text from my sister.
Kitty: It’s so boring without you here. I volunteered to cook dinner with Mom.
Me: Yikes.
A moment later she sends a picture of herself to show how truly bored she is, making me laugh. I miss her too. At least when I marry Judge I’ll be close to her. If I really wanted to, I could walk to Judge’s house from Mom and Dad’s place. I wondered a few times what Judge might say if I asked if my sister to come and live with us. Judge looks like he’s always in a shit mood and grunts a lot of his responses. I think that man was truly raised in a barn, and Clay might have been, too, after seeing his mess.
Another picture comes through, making me laugh harder as she pretends to put her head in the oven. I would, too, if I had to make dinner with Mom. The woman can’t cook to save her life, but she thinks she’s the best