PONG!
It was the Erase-the-Blackboard bell.
Mrs. Jewls had no choice. She picked up the eraser. Up and down Wayside School, teachers were doing the same thing.
Todd smiled as the homework assignments were wiped away. The Ultimate Test was canceled. His name was removed from the discipline list, and even the word DISCIPLINE soon disappeared.
Deep in the basement, a man with a black mustache snapped open a black attaché case. Another man, also with a black mustache, placed a small silver ball into the case. A third man, who was bald, put in a solid gold Ping-Pong paddle.
2
A Million
By the time Terrence got to school, he had already kicked ninety-nine different things.
It started the moment he woke up. He kicked his bed. He kicked Rocky, his favorite stuffed animal. When he left his bedroom, he kicked the door shut.
He kicked the wall as he sat at the kitchen counter and ate cereal. He kicked a table. He kicked three chairs. He kicked rocks on the way to school. He kicked the flagpole.
Still, as much as Terrence liked to kick things, it would take him his whole life to kick a million things.
“How much is a million?” Mrs. Jewls asked her class.
“Ooh! Ooh! I know, I know!” said Mac, stretching his hand high.
Mrs. Jewls called on Mac.
“A million,” Mac answered proudly.
“Well, yes, I suppose that’s correct,” said Mrs. Jewls. “A million is a million. Anyone else? John.”
John lowered his hand. “Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine . . .” He paused, then added, “Plus one.” He smiled.
“Ooh, that’s good, John,” said Dana, very impressed.
“John’s really smart,” Joe agreed.
Terrence wasn’t paying attention. His big toe hurt from all that kicking. His toenail was too long.
Sharie, who had been sleeping at her desk, suddenly awoke and said, “Ten times ten, times ten, times ten, times ten, times ten.” She rested her head on her red-and-blue overcoat and went back to sleep.
“Is that right, Mrs. Jewls?” asked Jason.
“Um . . .” said Mrs. Jewls as she tried to multiply all of Sharie’s tens. “Well, if Sharie said it, it must be right!”
“Arithmetic makes my brain numb,” said Dameon.
“That’s why they’re called ‘numb-ers,’” said D.J.
Terrence’s big toe throbbed in pain. He couldn’t think about anything else.
“There’s really one way to understand just how big a million is,” said Mrs. Jewls. “And it’s not by using arithmetic. We need to collect a million somethings.”
“Dollars!” exclaimed Joy.
Everyone cheered. They liked that idea.
“Then we could have the biggest party ever,” said Deedee.
“We’re not collecting a million dollars,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Any other ideas?”
“Pumpkins!” suggested Dana.
Everyone cheered Dana’s idea too, but not as loudly as Joy’s.
“I don’t think a million pumpkins would fit in the school,” said Mrs. Jewls. “We need something small, and not too expensive.”
Stephen suggested, “Little pieces of paper.”
Nobody cheered.
“Bo-ring,” sang Kathy.
Stephen felt hurt, but deep down, he had to admit that collecting bits of paper wouldn’t have been a whole lot of fun.
Ron suggested mud, but that too was rejected. “It’s a good idea, Ron,” said Mrs. Jewls, “but you can’t count mud.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“There’s no such thing as one mud, or two muds,” explained Mrs. Jewls.
“Why not?” Ron asked again.
“I don’t know,” Mrs. Jewls had to admit.
Terrence couldn’t take it any longer. He took off his shoe, then his sock.
One desk over, Rondi stared at him, horrified.
Terrence’s toenail was bent out of shape, and it had turned black and blue.
He opened his desk and took out his pair of safety scissors. Then, crossing one leg over the other, he started snipping.
“You can’t cut your toenail in class,” said Rondi. “It’s against the rules.”
“Who says?” said Terrence.
It was one tough toenail, and the scissors weren’t all that sharp.
“Mrs. Jewls!” called Rondi. “Terrence is cutting his toenail, right in class!”
Some kids laughed. Some said, “Gross!”
Terrence pushed hard on the scissors. At last, a piece of his toenail fell free. His toe instantly felt better.
“Terrence! Come up here now!” demanded Mrs. Jewls. “And bring your toenail with you!”
Terrence picked up the clipping off the floor. One shoe off, one shoe on, he hobbled to the front of the room.
“Give me that!” Mrs. Jewls demanded.
Terrence dropped the nail clipping into his teacher’s outstretched hand.
“You’re a genius, Terrence,” said Mrs. Jewls.
She held his nail clipping high in the air. “That’s one!” she announced. “Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine . . . to go!”
3
Up and Down
“Up!” said D.J.
“Down!” replied Kathy, who sat next to him.
“Up!” D.J. repeated.
“Down!” Kathy insisted.
In truth, Kathy didn’t know what