all of his mental capacity to focus on the things others took for granted, like reading something on a computer screen. The mental preparation alone every time he settled in front of his computer had to be daunting and exhausting. He’d said it himself—he had to work longer and harder than his colleagues to get the same result. Add in the fact that he was so loyal to Cliff and wouldn't have wanted to let the man down, and it made complete and perfect sense why Jude had put all his focus and energy in the deal he'd been working on.
And I hadn’t seen any of it.
My only saving grace was that I'd at least sensed something different about Jude after meeting him in person. I'd been on point enough to notice all the little nuances that didn't quite match the high-powered, take-no-names executive I'd agreed to protect.
I had no clue what I’d done right in my life to deserve what I saw as a second chance with Jude, but I wasn't going to waste it. I knew I had some tough decisions to make, professionally speaking, but being here with Jude now was the easiest decision I’d ever made.
I wanted him.
I wanted him beyond sex.
I wanted him beyond this moment.
I wanted to fall asleep every night with him in my arms and wake up to his soft smile every morning. I wanted to be the lucky recipient of his laughter, and I wanted to make sure he did more of it. I wanted him when he laughed and when he cried. I wanted to share in his successes, joys, frustrations, and sorrows. I wanted every part of him just like I wanted him to have every part of me.
But I knew there were hurdles between us.
Seemingly impossible ones to overcome.
As responsive and willing as Jude was when it came to the physical aspect of our relationship, I knew he still had a lot of walls up between us. He’d been let down by so many people in his past that he wouldn't be able to just take it on faith that my feelings for him were real and that they were forever. I'd sensed that in the past hour as we’d talked. When he’d become emotional as he'd thought about the woman he’d clearly come to love as a mother, he hadn't turned to me for comfort. No, he’d turned inward and he’d used his cars to do it. Instead of letting out all that pain, he’d forced it back down and I’d been completely helpless to do anything for him.
That would change. I didn't care how long it took; it would change. Someday he would see that I could be that outlet for him. I'd show him that.
I didn’t let myself dwell on how I’d accomplish any of that and instead focused on the here and now because Jude was here; he was with me one hundred percent. His tongue met mine in a sensuous dance as our slick bodies pressed against one another. Jude's hands went up and down my back, lighting a fire beneath my skin wherever he touched me. He’d separated his legs enough that I could fit between them, which meant our cocks were mashed together. My skin felt too hot and tight for my body as I ground my hips against his.
I'd intended to draw this whole thing out and follow through on the teasing I'd promised, but I was too far gone.
Emotionally, physically, mentally.
I just wanted to lose myself inside the man that I was already so far in love with that it scared the hell out of me. As I kissed Jude, I slid my hand down to capture his thigh as I pressed against him. He gasped as our damp cocks slid along one another.
"Lube, condoms?" I mumbled against his mouth because I really didn't want to stop kissing him.
Jude responded with what sounded like “drawer” against my mouth. I could've gone on kissing him forever if my dick hadn't felt like it was going to explode any second now. I reluctantly dragged my mouth from Jude's and leaned across him. I ripped the drawer on his nightstand open and shoved my hand inside. I easily found a bottle of lube but after tossing it on the bed, my search for a little foil packet proved unsuccessful.
While I'd been searching for what we would need, Jude had taken advantage of the situation and had started running his hand up and