less-than-obsessive need to prove myself made me a more well-rounded man. So when they did pop their heads out of these offices, I could show them what they’d been missing. I could caution them not to work too hard, there was more to life than spreadsheets and counting coin—me, who had the money and lifestyle they were too busy to enjoy.
“It’s mortifying to realize I would’ve gone on with that attitude permanently, if not for a couple of things that yanked me out of believing my own press. First, when Brady met Lennox and started to work less, it became apparent how much those extra hours and his meticulous ways meant to our bottom line. If he wasn’t working ninety hours a week . . . someone had to pick up the slack. I tried, but like most things, I did a half-assed job.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Because I knew deep inside it wouldn’t matter because you’d come on board as CEO-in-waiting and I’d be the charming colonel to smooth things over after General Stonewall Jackson stormed through. I’d follow your lead.”
“Second-in-command? Is that always how you’ve seen yourself?”
“It’s never bothered me to play second fiddle to you, Jax. In fact, that’s what I was counting on. Then you threw a wrench into the whole works by leaving the company. Then Dad and the uncles were looking at me, thinking I’d been involved long enough, and they had enough time to get me in a position to take over when Dad retires. But guess who wasn’t on board with that school of thought? Brady and Ash. With good reason.” I sighed. “I haven’t invested enough of myself or my time into LI. It’s hard not to take it personally, knowing they love me as a family member but don’t trust me as an equal in the business that bears our name.”
“Have they told you this?”
“Have we had an honest discussion about it? No. I think it scares all of us about what’ll happen to our family relationship. They’ve gotten used to sweeping the ‘he’s inadequate’ fears aside. Now, with Dad in the hospital, they can’t do that anymore. So even if I’m acting interim CEO for a month, it’s a month of them babysitting me because I was too busy screwing around when I should’ve been learning this shit. They know it. What’s more, they know I know it.”
“Jesus, Nolan.”
“Even when the opportunity presented itself to me to change, I didn’t. You handed me control of your bar for two years and in that time, I did nothing but show up, drink and treat it like my own personal club.”
“I handed the club over to you and Ash,” Jax retorted. “He could’ve kicked it in the ass at any time. The responsibility didn’t fall solely to you.”
“Ah, but it did. Because Ash already had his hands full with LI. I haven’t confirmed this suspicion, but I think he purposely stepped back to see if I’d step up.” I swallowed hard. “And I didn’t.”
“So what are you saying?”
I sighed. “Besides that I’m unfit for this job? Talk about having the shittiest timing in the world for that kind of realization. Although, to be honest, my screwup with Digi-Dong really drove home that point for me. Failure is a great teacher. I’d never failed before because I hadn’t tried. So now, I’m putting in the work I should have from day one. But that doesn’t change the fact that my knowledge about LI isn’t close to what it should be after nearly a decade. I think Dad is terrified I’ll fuck up while he’s convalescing. I think Brady and Ash are terrified that Dad won’t come back to work and they’ll be stuck with me as CEO.”
Jax went quiet for a while. He didn’t offer platitudes, which I appreciated.
Finally, I said, “Just say it. At this point, whatever ego I had has been decimated.”
“Because I’m the type to kick my brother when he’s down. Christ. I really wanna clock you if you believe that.”
“I don’t,” I said evenly. “It’s just a chance for you to weigh in without fear that my feelings will get hurt.”
“Fine. I think you’re being too hard on yourself, little brother. Maybe your time at LI has been the Peter Principle at work, but you’ve already made steps to change that. Dad is sixty-four. This health situation might slow him down temporarily, but he’ll be back, more determined than ever to prove he’s still up for running the company. He