Want You Back - River Laurent Page 0,77

and ran to him. Alex grabbed him and lifted him up and held him close.

He kissed Kayden’s forehead and then held him close again. My heart galloped in my chest. Had he somehow found out?

I thanked Lulu for keeping Kayden and also took the opportunity to ask her about the following Thursday. As always, she refused my offer to pay for the two days.

“We moms have to help each other out,” she said and handed me Kayden’s bag.

In the car, nausea swirled in my belly. I wracked my mind and tried to remember how Alex had behaved that morning when he came to pick us up. I’d been busy making sure that I’d packed everything Kayden would need for the day so I hadn’t paid much attention.

“We’re home, son,” he said and my heart stopped.

I turned and met his gaze. I was the first to move. I grabbed the door and opened it. The nausea rose up my throat. I sprinted to the side of the house, away from view and bent down to throw up.

Oh God! How had he figured it out? The only person who knew was Amy and I knew her loyalty was to me first. Even if she did tell Alex, she would warn me first. Alex was a smart guy. I’d been fooling myself that I could hide Kayden’s paternity for long.

As a lawyer, he was used to putting parts of a puzzle together. I wanted to kick myself for not telling him before he found out by himself. Now, he would never believe that I had planned on telling him.

Alex and Kayden were already in the house and I followed them in and headed straight to the bathroom to rinse out my mouth and then to the bedroom to freshen up. I could hear Alex and Kayden’s voices coming from the bathroom.

Kayden loved bath time and his dad never tired of blowing bubbles off his skin, making him giggle. When I’d changed into comfortable clothes, I went to the kitchen and warmed Kayden’s food while getting our dinner started.

I refused to meet Alex’s eyes while I brought Kayden’s dinner to the table.

“Did you enjoy your bath with…” I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Dad?”

I took a deep breath. “Dad.” It felt terrifying but good to say the word aloud.

“Daaaad!” Kayden said, over and over again, as if getting his tongue used to forming the word.

But it was the smile on Alex’s face that made my heart stop. The only way to describe it was pure, unadulterated joy. Fresh guilt smashed into me. I was a horrible, selfish person. How did I ever let myself think Alex was anything but a fantastic guy. A guy I really did not deserve.

“I’ll feed him,” he said and pulled a chair next to Kayden’s high chair.

I was cooking chili for our dinner and kept myself busy enough so that I didn’t have to sit down with Alex. But I couldn’t escape the conversation forever.

Kayden went to sleep and then Alex and I sat down to dinner. We ate silently and when we were done, we sat facing each other.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asked.

A lump grew in my chest, spreading until it filled every empty space and then expanded further, making it painful to breath. “Yes.” My voice was a whisper.

“When Kayden was eighteen years old?” he asked, his voice harsh.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Start from the beginning and this time, I want the complete truth. No lies either by omission or out-rightly.”

I cleared my throat and started at the beginning, my words taking me back to a simpler, happier time. Tears interrupted my explanation and I had to stop to gather my composure before continuing. I told him all of it and left nothing out, including my conversation with his mother.

I dwelled a lot on not wanting to be a burden to him but it seemed to go over Alex’s head.

“Was there something I did to make you believe that I would not be there for you?” he asked, his voice raw with pain.

I shook my head. “It was not about you. I’d brought so much heartbreak into your life and I was determined not to heap more into it. I took you away from the family that you loved so much.”

“That’s bullshit!” Alex thundered. “They rejected you and in doing so, they disrespected my choice. Love means accepting someone’s right to make their own choices.”

“Alex I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. I can’t tell