. . . and then I realise it’s not him, it’s Ryan! And he’s stabbing me, over and over, and there’s so much anger in his eyes.
I woke sobbing and so scared. All I could think was: I need Mum. So I went to her room, but she wasn’t there. Bathroom, nothing. Kitchen, nothing. And that’s when I saw her, just now, coming out from the forest with someone.
That someone was Ryan.
It’s completely freaking me out after that dream. I’m not surprised to see them together, though. How can I be, after everything Dad said about Mum and Ryan? It makes me think how Dad must have felt, and now I’m feeling super-guilty. The guilt and the regret hit me right in my core, like it does when I let myself stop to think about it all.
I bend over now, clutching at my stomach, trying to stop the sobs.
What have I done?
The sound of the phone ringing makes me pause. The phone. At this time? I walk to the door and lean my ear against it.
‘Oh God,’ I hear Nan say. ‘Bill! Bill!’
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sunday 21st April, 2019
4.20 a.m.
Melissa quietly let herself into Rosemary and Bill’s house, frowning as she noticed the lights were on . . . and there was movement inside.
Rosemary appeared from the kitchen then, pulling her coat on, a panicked look on her face. ‘Where have you been?’ she asked Melissa.
‘I – I went for a walk. I needed to clear my head. What’s going on?’
Rosemary glanced at the dirt on Melissa’s grey jogging bottoms and on her face. ‘The hospital called. Patrick’s taken a turn for the worse.’
Melissa’s head spun. ‘Jesus, what happened?’
‘Infection,’ Bill said from the landing in a sombre voice. She looked up to see him standing with the kids, who were all in their pyjamas, bleary-eyed.
‘Where were you, Mum?’ Grace asked.
‘Just a walk.’ She caught Lewis’s eye, and he nodded, knowing she had hidden the knife. Melissa turned to Rosemary. ‘I knew something was wrong – that bloody rash! I mentioned it to the nurse.’
‘I did too,’ Rosemary said, tears filling her brown eyes. ‘Come on, we need to get to him. They said it’s very serious.’
The children exchanged worried glances as Melissa tried to stop herself from sobbing. Was this it? Was she going to lose Patrick?
No, no!
‘Kids, get changed,’ Melissa instructed. They needed to be there if he died. It didn’t matter what had happened, he was their father! This might be their last chance to see him.
‘No, let them stay here,’ Bill said.
‘On their own?’ Melissa said.
Bill patted Lewis on the shoulder. ‘The twins are fifteen, Melissa, you’ve left them all on their own before. They’ll be fine.’
Will they be fine? Melissa couldn’t help but think. The last time they were alone, one of them stabbed their father.
‘No, you should come,’ she said to the kids.
Rosemary shook her head. ‘They’re too young. Come on, let’s go.’
Melissa blinked, trying to figure out whether to push the matter.
‘Come on,’ Bill said, grabbing the car keys. ‘We need to get to Patrick, now!’
‘Okay,’ Melissa said, quickly running up the stairs to the kids and kissing them on their foreheads. ‘I’ll call with news. Stay safe, okay? Do not leave the house.’
‘We’re fine, Mum,’ Lewis said, putting his arms around his sisters’ shoulders.
Melissa gave him a look that she hoped conveyed her thoughts, then went back downstairs, looking at Bill and Rosemary. ‘Let’s go to the hospital.’
The journey was unbearable. Awful scenarios flashed through Melissa’s mind: would they get there to find Patrick had passed away? Her husband, the love of her life, her rock: gone. Those thoughts mingled with guilt. Guilt that an hour ago she’d been hiding the very knife used to stab him. Guilt, too, that she’d allowed Ryan to hold her like he had earlier. Allowed those few extra seconds before pulling away.
When they got to the hospital, Bill pulled into a disabled parking bay. ‘I don’t care,’ he said when Rosemary pointed it out to him. ‘I’ll pay the bloody fine.’
The three of them jumped out of the car, the sound of the doors slamming sending birds sleeping in the trees flying away. Then they ran inside, rushing down corridor after corridor until they eventually got to Patrick’s ward, Melissa’s head throbbing with the horror of what might await them.
Patrick, gone.
After giving their names at the intercom outside his ward, they were greeted by his young doctor. She looked dishevelled, tired.
‘Is my husband okay?’ Melissa asked, peering behind her