and whispered, “I’m sorry…I don’t mean to take my frustration out on you.” I chanced to look at Sean. He reached over and took hold of my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I relaxed and leaned my head against the passenger window and closed my eyes. No more than a few minutes later, I was asleep.
When we arrived in Oceanside, Sean gently shook my shoulder. “Willa.” He spoke softly, stirring me from my slumber.
Sitting upright, I blinked a couple of times. “Where are we?”
“At your apartment.”
Straightening, I wiped the sleep from my face and looked over at Sean, regretting being cross with him earlier. “I slept…almost the entire way,” I whispered, surprised at myself.
“You needed it.”
Sean got out of the car and came around to my side, opening the passenger door. I started to climb out, forgetting the seatbelt. Leaning over me, Sean released it and then offered me his hand. “Come on, Sleeping Beauty, I’ll walk you to the door.”
I paused in front of my apartment. Ridiculous as it seemed, entering the home my sister and I had shared suddenly felt daunting. Overcome and hesitant, I asked, “Would you come inside with me?”
Sean glanced at the time. “I can’t stay long.”
“I know.” He was just back himself and had yet to catch up with his own affairs. I appreciated that he’d taken the time to come and collect me from Seattle. The crux of the matter was that I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to look inside Harper’s bedroom and find her things scattered about while she was back in Seattle battling for her life.
“Stay with me,” he said, standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders.
The need in me was strong, weighty. It didn’t take me long to decide. “Yes, please. I want to.”
We collected a few personal items from the apartment that I would need for the night. Sean led me back to the car and helped me inside. Neither of us had anything to say as we rode to his place.
As we came through the front door, Bandit leaped up with a bark, excited to see Sean and me, tail swishing from side to side with carefree abandon. I crouched down and rubbed his ears. “Good to see you, too, buddy,” I whispered, as my arms circled his neck and I pressed my face against his.
Sean’s living room was a disaster. His bag was only half unpacked, with clothes dumped on the sofa. Newspapers and mail cluttered the top of the coffee table. After weeks of grueling work and the long flight back to the States, Sean was as exhausted as me, only in a different way and for different reasons.
“I apologize for the mess,” he said, hands in his pockets, embarrassed.
“No mind,” I said on the tail end of a yawn. “This is what Harper’s room has looked like from the time she was five.”
Although we made an effort to eat dinner, all either of us could think about was sleep. Without needing to point out the obvious, Sean led me to the spare bedroom. I followed behind him, looking into a room that had only the essentials: a bed, a nightstand, and a dresser. The bed seemed sterile and uninviting, like one I might see at the hospital.
“Would you mind terribly,” I said, my voice trembling slightly, “if I slept with you?…I don’t want to be alone tonight.” I wasn’t asking him to make love to me. What I wanted, what I needed, was a warm body, a healthy one that I could cuddle against and forget what awaited me in Seattle.
“Yes, of course. I didn’t want to assume…”
“Just sleep.”
“Frankly, at this moment, that’s all I’m capable of myself.”
It was late; we were both tired. Stepping into the spare room, I slipped into my pajamas before I returned to his bedroom and folded back the covers.
“Right side or left?” Sean asked.
I shook my head. It didn’t matter.
We climbed into bed together and Sean gathered me in his arms so that my head rested on his shoulder. Neither of us spoke. I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth of his embrace, needing his touch, the feel of his skin against mine. His heart beat strong and steady in my ear. Listening to the even beat quickly lulled me to sleep.
At some point during the night, I must have rolled onto my side, away from Sean. I woke with him cuddling me, his arm around my waist, securing me