Waiting For It - Allyson Lindt Page 0,33

her feelings out of proportion.” The retort scraped through me like razor-bladed claws. It spoke to so many of the accusations Shawn threw at me every time we fought.

“That’s not what you’re doing.”

“Forget it.” I didn’t trust her to say any more, or myself to hear either of us correctly. “Chase is actually family. I get that.” I almost sobbed on the words. “I understand. Bye.”

The instant I hung up, my phone rang again. Sadie.

I ignored the call.

And the next three, as I walked back to the elevator.

Her text came in as I stepped into the waiting car. Call me back, please? Talk to me?

Maybe she was right about what she’d said on the phone. Everyone was saying please and I’m sorry, and I was ignoring them.

But Shawn did that to me so many times—ignored my concerns and insisted if I didn’t accept an apology, it was my fault. Who was I supposed to trust? The friends who’d always been there for me, or myself?

It shouldn’t be a choice I had to make.

Chapter Seventeen

I wasn’t looking forward to spending another morning commute of not talking to Luke. Especially if it was followed by us, working in the same room together and not saying anything.

He was my boss. I still had to discuss business with him. That wasn’t a big deal.

I also needed to tell him about my findings from yesterday. “I talked to Zane. He traced the leak back to an account.” I kept my tone cool and conversational, as Luke drove toward the office.

“Who?”

“Billie.”

This was when Luke would stop being so nice. Tell me I’d fucked up. That I was an idiot. Ask why I’d kept things from him. Why Billie was still working for us.

Luke glanced at me. “What do you think?”

All of my defensive responses lodged in my throat. “I don’t think she’s responsible.” I reached for reasons why not, but I hadn’t found anything concrete yet.

“Okay. I can’t hold the dogs off forever, but I can give you until the end of the day. You don’t have to give me a new name, but I do need a direction to point Zane in, if this isn’t it.”

Tension I didn’t know I’d been holding drained from me, and I sank back against the seat. “Thank you.”

“Fuhgettaboutit,” he said, in a near-perfect Tony Soprano voice.

It would be so easy to laugh. To have fun with this moment. I just had to forgive him and pretend twenty-four hours ago—or rather, the events that led to the revelation of twenty-four hours ago—never happened.

I wouldn’t be tossed around emotionally like that. Never again.

This felt different than Shawn’s emotional manipulation, though. But I couldn’t put my finger on how or why.

We arrived at the office, set up in the conference room, and dove into work. The bulk of the sound in the room was fingers, clacking on keyboards. The air didn’t feel as heavy as yesterday. Maybe the smoke outside was clearing up.

My phone rang a little after noon, and sourness coursed through me. It was Lyn. Would this be a repeat of last night?

I couldn’t shut everyone out of my life, and I’d curl up and wither if I pushed away another friend. “I’ll be back.” I managed to keep my voice steady as I pushed back from the table.

Luke nodded, watching me with an expression I didn’t want to recognize as concern.

I took the stairs down, to organize my thoughts to the rhythm of my shoes, hitting concrete. When I stepped outside, the sunshine hit my face and sank into my soul. I paused outside the door and drank in the warmth.

This was a building on a block of assorted businesses, so there wasn’t a lot of space to loiter in, but I found an empty patch of sidewalk away from the entrance, near a tree, and dialed Lyn back before I could fall into the fear that this would go badly.

“Hey.” Lyn managed to pour sympathy into the single syllable. “How are you doing?”

“Depends on what you’ve heard.”

“That Chase was a dick. That Sadie misses you.”

I sighed and blinked back the sting behind my eyelids. “I don’t want to make you take sides.” I couldn’t stand losing another friend.

“Are you hurting?”

So much more than I wanted to admit. “Yes. But don’t hate anyone because of me.”

“Because of Chase.” Lyn’s correction was emphatic. “Did he tell you this is your fault? It’s not.”

“No. He never said anything like that.” In fact, neither Chase nor Luke had. They’d been trying to