“Before I defrocked. The dog collar has a powerful effect on people.” He tugs at his shirt collar and the lack of weight there seems to be reflected in his eyes. I hope it makes him breathe easier.
“Did you kill him?” I whisper hesitantly, unsure what I want his answer to be.
He shakes his head. “He was still in hospital.”
“Still?”
“Complications due to the alcohol poisoning.” He sighs, reaches up and runs a hand over my hair. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have... Instead, I put the fear of God into him. Told him that he survived only to right the wrongs he made.”
“Do you think that’s enough?”
His lips purse. “No. I’d like to think so, but even though he’s had a scare—I told him that he was drinking so heavily that night out of guilt—I know how temptation works. So I warned that police officer who visited me in the hospital. Esposito? And talked with Lorenzo’s niece, gave her the carabinieri’s card, and told her to use it if her uncle sinned.”
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” I see the logic in his actions, and am grateful for them. He has been busy, so I resent our time apart less, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to cleave myself to his side. Need has me asking, “What’s the next step?”
“I have a few more hoops to jump through before things are finalized on this end. I want to meet you in the States.” He blows out a breath, and I brace myself, because, from the way he tenses in my arms, I know I’m not going to like this—he’s preparing himself for my rejection. “I want you to go to the hospital. I want you to go for a checkup.”
I want to argue about us leaving separately, but as to the hospital, I can’t. Hadn’t I just been thinking that myself?
I wrinkle my nose. “Okay.”
“Okay?” He scowls at me, but there’s relief in his eyes, and that he’s concerned for me? God, it makes me the luckiest woman alive. “I thought you’d argue.”
I shrug. “I think I need to go too.”
Concern flashes in his gaze, and he hauls me tighter into him, like he can protect me with his body. I wish that were true. “What is it?” he demands. “What’s wrong?”
“My nose is being weird. I just don’t think it’s normal.” I shrug. “Plus, I’m still weak and I tire quickly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong—”
“But a hospital is the best place for you.” He dips his chin. “That seals it. I want you on a plane within the next few days.”
My mouth drops open. “What? No way! I want to leave at the same time! I just thought you meant separate flights!”
“No can do. We need to stay separate. I’ll travel to the States as well, then get trains to your state. I want to zigzag a little.”
“There’s no suspicion—”
“Maybe not, but I want it to remain that way.” He reaches up and presses a finger to my lips. “Let us do this the right way.”
My eyes narrow at him. “Why?”
He shrugs, sighs, but his gaze stays on my lips and the finger he pressed there, not catching my gaze. “I want to give you time to contemplate what you’re taking on.”
I stiffen in his arms. “Are you shitting me?”
Though his expression darkens, his lips twitch. “No. I’m not.”
“You have to be. You can’t think that I’d be the one to back away from this.” My mouth works as I ‘contemplate’ just how crazy he is.
Hell, he says I am.
“I’m fucked up,” he mutters as he presses a kiss to my temple, his words vibrating through his kiss. “I’ll always have night terrors, and I might hurt you in my sleep. I won’t ever let you moan when we’re together that way, and the lashing? I won’t be able to stop that. Not immediately. I’m a lot to take on.”
I pull away, not going far, but separating us so I can grab his hand and rest it on my stomach.
“What if I’m pregnant?”
“Then we don’t have a choice.”
My retort is sharp. “Good. I don’t want a choice. This isn’t about choice. There’s no free will in this situation,” I growl. “And if God has his shit together, then I will be pregnant so we have no say in this.
“You and I are made for each other. Just because you’re a little nuts, well, that doesn’t scare me.”
“I’m a killer,” he breathes,