The Vow - Debbie Howells Page 0,36
stress or the antidepressants, my head is spinning as I stare at her. I know how irrational I sound, but something stops me believing a word she says.
Lara looks outraged. ‘This really is insane, Amy.’
‘I’ve no idea if it is. That’s the problem.’ As I speak, my hands are shaking. ‘Don’t you see, I can’t tell? I’ve just found out Matt tried it on with another woman – someone I thought was a friend.’ There could be anything in Lara’s past that I don’t know about. How well do I really know her? But I don’t want to. Not now. ‘Surely, on top of everything else that’s happening, you can understand why I feel like this?’ I watch her face for any flicker of compassion, but it doesn’t happen. ‘It’s best you go.’
Lara’s silent for a moment, then she gets up. ‘Amy, please … You’re wrong about this. I’m as worried about Matt as you are. And I’m your friend. I want to help you.’
‘Friend?’ My laugh is hysterical. ‘Friends can trust each other. To find this out now, after so many lies, can’t you understand it’s too much?’
‘I’m so sorry.’ As she picks up her keys, her face is white as a sheet. ‘I thought he was making it up. But I can see now exactly what Matt meant.’
‘What do you mean?’ The blood drains from my face. ‘What exactly did Matt say?’
‘Only that when you were upset, you became irrational.’ Her voice is suddenly deathly calm. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything, but he came round to see me – after one of your rows. He told me …’ Shaking her head, she breaks off. ‘Never mind what he said. He didn’t mention it again. When the wedding was still on, I assumed you’d reached an understanding.’
Her words leave me completely blindsided. ‘And you believed him?’ When I went out of my way to avoid rows, it was another lie. I was never irrational. There were occasional rows, but they were short-lived. ‘What else did he tell you?’ I demand. But Lara doesn’t answer. As she starts walking towards the door, I follow her. ‘Don’t you think I have a right to know?’
When the police talk to her again, she tells them that Matt had told her I was unstable. That once, I became so aggressive towards him, he was frightened for his life. That my thoughts were irrational and I’d been aggressive towards her, too. She doesn’t tell them how she and Matt had been keeping a secret from me.
At the door, she stops, then turns to face me. ‘I’d be careful, Amy, if I were you. You need to calm down. If you carry on like this, no-one’s going to believe anything you say to them.’
She walks out, closing the door hard behind her. Seconds later, I hear her car start, listening as she revs the engine and drives away. Though my face is a mask of calm, underneath my emotions are boiling. She has no right to suggest my behaviour is in any way unreasonable. And it might have been just a fling between her and Matt, but that isn’t the point.
After she’s gone, I angrily pull on my coat and go outside. Looking across the garden towards the Downs, my breath freezes in small clouds and my anger starts to dissipate. Glancing down, I take in tiny white cyclamen unfurling, their leaves still coated in frost, as a tentative sense of calm comes back. Maybe I did overreact. Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken so angrily, or accused Lara of having an affair with Matt. Maybe it was just a fling – I’ve no way of knowing. But whichever way I look at it, I come back to one fact. Both of them lied.
But it isn’t her I’m angry with. It’s Matt. It was him who’d always been so adamant that we should tell each other everything, that there should be no secrets between us. It’s further proof I’d rather not have, of how one-sided our relationship was, of my commitment versus his betrayal, my honesty and his lies, as he kept things from me. It’s like I ask the police next time we talk, what else didn’t I know?
*
My afternoon is interrupted by a call from PC Page. ‘We’ve found his phone.’
Chapter Thirteen
The faintest of hopes flickers, that at last there will be answers. But if they have his phone, where is Matt?
‘Where was it?’ I say urgently to PC Page.
‘In a street in