The Vow - Debbie Howells Page 0,35

close to the wedding to tell me? And no-one knows where he is or if something’s happened to him.’ With so many loose ends, so many lies, my reference points have gone.

‘I know Matt had a bit of a past, but since he met you, I thought he’d turned a page. He really seemed determined to make it work with you.’

But I’m frowning. ‘What do you mean? About him having a past?’ How come Lara knows more about it than I do?

‘For a while, there were a lot of women in his life. All casual …’

‘Hold on a minute …’ My mind is racing as I work out what she’s saying. Matt’s never mentioned any of this. I frown at her. ‘How do you know about this?’

Looking awkward, her eyes shift slightly. ‘Nothing, really. It was a throwaway comment. I mean, everyone makes mistakes, don’t they?’

Suddenly I see her with a stranger’s eyes, noting her slim figure, her smooth fair hair and radiant skin, as. my brain starts pulling the threads of what I know together, in some warped way, tying knots I can’t untangle. The calls. The way Matt would stop by to see her on his way home from work. He tried it on with Cath. Why not Lara? I stare at her in shock. ‘You and Matt … You have to tell me, Lara. I know you were friends. But was there ever anything more between you?’

A look of horror crosses her face. ‘Of course there wasn’t. I’ve been planning your wedding, Amy. Nothing’s happened between us. Look, you’re upset and it’s not surprising …’

But I interrupt her. ‘You and Matt,’ I repeat, my voice dangerously quiet. ‘I’ve never asked him. I never thought I needed to.’ I shake my head. I have to know. ‘You have to tell me, Lara. It was more than friendship between you, wasn’t it?’

She stares at me, smoothing a long strand of hair behind her ear. When she doesn’t speak, my stomach turns over. It’s like it was with Cath, as suddenly I know. Pushing my chair back, I stand up. ‘How could you?’ I’m rigid, my voice tight as I look at her.

As I watch her face, her eyes shift sideways. ‘It isn’t what you’re thinking.’ She speaks quickly. ‘It happened about a year before he met you. We had a fling. Sex, Amy. Just once. I was one of several women in Matt’s life at that time.’ Lara looks uncomfortable. ‘He made it very clear he wasn’t up for anything more than that. We both knew it was a mistake. Matt and I were only ever meant to be friends.’

It’s like with Cath. I want to believe her. But as I imagine them together, Matt touching her, kissing her, Lara’s long, pale hair against his skin, my suspicions run away with me. ‘It changes things. Can’t you see that?’ My teeth are gritted. If Matt had been honest when we first met, before I let Lara get close to me, before any of this started, maybe I would have felt differently. But finding out now puts a different perspective on it. ‘When you have sex with someone, it changes things. You should have told me. He should have told me. Otherwise, it becomes this big secret between the two of you that I don’t share. I thought we were friends and friends are supposed to be honest with each other.’ I break off, upset. ‘I want you to leave.’

For a moment she doesn’t move. Then she stands up. ‘This is insane. You’re overreacting, Amy. As far as Matt and I are concerned, it should never have happened. I’m sure you’re no different. You had sex with people before you met Matt, but it doesn’t demean what exists between you.’

I look at her, filled with disbelief that she doesn’t understand. What happened in my past has no bearing on anyone who’s in my life now. I haven’t lied or kept secrets, the way she and Matt have. It makes all the difference in the world. ‘How am I supposed to know whether I should believe you? For all I know, it wasn’t over. All the time I thought you were helping plan our wedding …’ I break off, defeated, my mind running haywire. ‘For all I know, you were trying to sabotage it. How do I know you’re not the other woman who reported Matt missing? Or if it was you he was with that last night?’ Whether it’s the