He was walking toward the front door, one hand rubbing his closely cropped hair. He must have reached his quota of peopling for the day, if not the week.
“I’m gonna check on Alec,” I yelled close to Tyler’s ear, and he gave me a look that somehow managed to be both skeptical and knowing.
I rolled my eyes and took off through the crowd.
Alec was being as up-front as the others when it came to our unspoken commitment to brutal honesty, but he was still avoiding deepening our physical connection. He’d relaxed about the extra Light since we’d discovered he could use it to take pain away and not just inflict it, but he was still hesitant, still insisting we needed to train and practice and be controlled about the levels. I couldn’t get it into his head that controlling how much I transferred to them was effortless now, that knowing exactly how much they needed was second nature.
Of course, I hadn’t crossed that physical barrier with Alec yet as I had with the others, so the Light was pushing me to him, drawing me to connect. On the rare occasion I did slip, it was always with him, and he always used it as ammo to argue we still needed to be careful.
But there was more to it. My mind kept filling in the “why” with the worst-case scenario: He didn’t want me like that. He’d given in to the Light and accepted the Bond, but it wasn’t what he truly wanted.
I could’ve asked him, of course, but I was being a coward. Once again, we found ourselves at a standstill, things between us strained.
As I descended the stairs past the front door, I had just enough liquid courage to push the issue, and I knew exactly how I wanted to push it.
The gravel crunched under my boots as I rushed to catch up to him, the light and noise of the party fading behind us. He must’ve heard me chasing him, but he didn’t slow down—unyielding as ever. The tattoos I knew were all over his body peeked out from under the sleeves of his black T-shirt. The fabric stretched over his broad shoulders, tension making the corded muscle even more prominent.
I caught up and slid my hand into his, tugging lightly. He huffed but stopped immediately. “I’m not leaving, Evelyn. I just needed some air.”
“I know.” I tugged again, and he let me lead him between two of the massive trees lining the driveway. The party was in full swing, no one was around, and we were about halfway between the security at the gate and the security at the front door. We were alone, but I craved more privacy, more darkness. I always did with him.
I could’ve started a conversation, asked if he’d had enough of the party, made small talk. But I didn’t feel like talking. There was more than one way to sort shit out between us.
I faced him, playing with the hem of my red sweater. Without thinking about it too hard, I whipped the soft fabric over my head and dropped it to the ground. The air was cool, but my skin felt as if it were on fire.
His eyes narrowed but stayed glued to mine, refusing to look down at my matching red lace bra. I pushed the pang of rejection aside, placed my hands on his hips, and tilted my face up, practically begging him to kiss me.
He was so still, every muscle in his body strained as if poised for an attack. I couldn’t reach his lips if he didn’t lower his head, so I pulled the neck of his T-shirt down and kissed his chest. He smelled like smoke from the bonfire and some other fresh, manly smell—probably his aftershave. I darted my tongue out for a tiny lick.
As if my tongue had flipped a switch, he grunted and sprang into motion. He grabbed under my ass with both hands and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around him, and my back slammed into the rough surface of the tree just as Alec’s lips slammed into mine.
I groaned and rolled my hips. He was rock hard already. This was that all-consuming intensity I loved so much. I knew it wasn’t healthy to avoid talking about our issues, but fuck if my body couldn’t care less. When Alec kissed me like that, nothing else existed.
But as suddenly as it started, Alec broke the kiss and stepped away, dropping me to