butter of the bad boy. I could totally get us an A with that!”
“But Heathcliff broods,” Lizzie said. “And Damon doesn’t, by your own theory.”
“Because Damon’s way more fun than that.”
“That’s your argument?”
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Cat nodded smugly. “He’s doing the sublime thing you mentioned. It still fits.”
“But you agree Heathcliff is a big jerk.”
“Yeah, sometimes. So?”
“So, Mr. Darcy and Stefan are better. We should write about them.”
“I’m sorry, what part of Damon is hot has you confused?”
“But that’s not the point.”
“That’s always the point. Look, the Gothic hero is hot. He just is.”
“That is standard,” Miss Brontë agreed. “The power of seduction and obsession and all that.”
Cat grinned. “Plus, how else would he get away with acting like an ass if he didn’t also have such a cute ass?”
“Can we talk about Mr. Darcy now, please?” Lizzie asked, rolling her eyes.
“That’s all you ever want to talk about.”
“Well, he’s awesome.” She cleared her throat pointedly.
“As is the Tradition of the Romantic Hero.”
“I can actually hear you talking in capital letters,” Cat said.
“Because this is important. Gothic heroes get all the flash, but Romantic heroes are so much better.”
“They’re mushy,” Cat muttered. “Valentines and sappy rhyming poems? Seriously? Does that ever work?”
“Not that kind of romantic,” Lizzie said. “Honestly, do you sleep through class every week? I’m talking Romantic with a capital ‘R,’ not flowers and heart-shaped chocolates. It’s about art and nature and acting on intuition, not just logic.
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Less structure, more passion, but not the destructive Gothic kind of passion. I’m talking about Shelley’s poetry, or Mr.
Rochester in Jane Eyre, Hawkeye in Last of the Mohicans—”
Cat let out a loud fake snore. “You’re worse than a teacher with this stuff.”
“Hey, I listened to you prattle on about smiles and cute butts.”
“As if that’s a hardship.”
“I’ll take a cravat over a cute butt any day,” Lizzie insisted.
“That’s because you’re weird.”
Lizzie lifted her chin stubbornly. “No, it’s because Stefan is just as hot as— hotter than—Damon.”
“Excuse me.” Cat narrowed her eyes. “I’m not above a catfight.”
“Excuse me, but in the pilot, Bonnie says Stefan has a
‘romance novel’ stare.”
“Yeah, well, Damon has a leather jacket.”
“So does Stefan.”
“I fear we’re getting off point,” Miss Jane interrupted drily.
“Let’s agree they’re both hot.”
Lizzie blinked at Cat. “Did Jane Austen just say Stefan and Damon are hot?”
“You wished to prove your Stefan as a descendant of Mr.
Darcy via the tradition of the Romantic hero?” Miss Jane continued, as if Lizzie hadn’t spoken.
“Yes.” Lizzie forced herself to stop glaring at Cat. “The Gothic hero isn’t the only rebel. The Romantic hero isn’t part of the regular ordinary world, either. The Romantic hero doesn’t take the easy way out. He’s lonely and misunderstood, 6882 Visitor's Guide to Mystic Falls[FIN].indd 79
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like the way everyone thinks Mr. Darcy is cold and unfeeling when he’s really not, he’s just shy. And okay, arrogant, but he does get better.” Lizzie glanced at the notes she’d been taking.
“He regrets being hurtful. Gothic heroes never really regret being jerks, not long enough to stop doing what they’re doing, anyway. They give into every impulse.”
“Yum,” Cat interrupted. “Promise?”
“The Damons, the Heathcliffs, they’re just bratty little boys. The Mr. Darcys and Mr. Rochesters have a purpose.
They’re heroes. ”
“Yeah, but they’re no fun,” Cat complained. “They’re all depressed.”
“Better than the Gothic heroes. It’s like they have PMS
all the time.”
Cat grinned, then paused. “Wait a minute, wouldn’t Mr.
Rochester be considered Gothic? I mean he prowls about moodily, locks his wife in the attic, and is generally yummy and dark like Damon.”
Lizzie shook her head smugly. “Nope. He redeems himself so he’s mine. A true Romantic hero like Stefan.”
“How do you figure?” Cat demanded. “He lied to Jane. A lot. And, hello, wife chained up? How is that Romantic?”
“At first it’s not. But he redeems himself by taking care of