That pulled a laugh out of Junu, but oddly, it had a bite of bitterness to it.
“Am I wrong?” she asked.
“Does it bother you?” Junu said instead of answering. “The idea that I get whatever I want. Or—” He paused with a suggestive grin. “Is it the fact that you know you want to give me everything I want?”
“I don’t want or need to give you anything,” Somin retorted, standing, finally ready to storm out of this place.
“Thank you,” he said, and it stopped her. “For saving my life.”
She turned back toward him. “You said that already.”
Junu smiled. It wasn’t like the mocking grins he usually gave her. It was small and thoughtful. “Sorry about that. I think my whole life was flashing before my eyes. I was delirious.”
“Now, that I can believe,” Somin said, and sat on the edge of the bed before she realized what she was doing. She started to stand again, but Junu’s hand came to rest over hers.
“I’m sorry that you had to do that,” he said, his eyes sober and steady.
Somin looked at their joined hands. She realized she wanted to lace their fingers together. But instead she pulled away. “I did what I had to do.” She thought of Halmeoni’s words. She still wasn’t certain Jihoon’s halmeoni had truly come to her. It could have been a dream, but if it was, then these were her words anyway. “In this world, things are harsher. We have to move our moral lines in order to survive.”
“But I don’t want that for you,” Junu murmured as if he were talking more to himself than to her.
“You can’t decide what’s best for me. Only I can.”
Junu chuckled. “Well, I sure know that. You’re not one to let others make decisions for you. Though, you do make so many of your decisions because of others.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Junu shook his head, and she knew he had no intention of answering.
Now Somin did stand. She shouldn’t stay, she told herself again. But something held her in place. An unfinished thought. Something that had been nagging at her all day.
“I know why it’s happening,” Somin finally said. “It’s because I hate you.”
“Well, you’re not the first human to do things because of hatred for my kind. Still, I’m curious to know where you’re going with this.” He folded his hands patiently, waiting for her to continue.
“I know I should stay away from you. I know you’re bad for me. It’s like when I was little and my mom told me not to touch the flame of a candle. But the more I watched it, the more I had to know what it was like to touch it,” Somin said. “My mother always said she was worried one day my curiosity would get me into trouble.”
“Did you touch the candle?”
She didn’t want to answer. She was afraid of how he’d take it, but she’d come this far. “Yes.”
Junu’s lips spread into a slow smile. “So what’s stopping you from . . . touching the candle now?”
Somin frowned at how he made that sound so sensual. “You’re missing the point.”
“No, I get it. You say that it’s because you hate me? The reason you kissed me . . . twice.” Junu held up two fingers and wiggled them playfully. “You sure have a funny way of showing your hatred.”
“It’s because I feel something whenever you’re around,” Somin snapped. Only he could make this ten times harder for her. She was trying to explain something to him, and he continuously insisted on misunderstanding. “I wish I could feel nothing about you. But for some reason you make me react.”
Junu stopped at that. He seemed to be pondering something, and then he said, with surprising sobriety, “I’m not sorry that I get reactions out of you. I’d much rather you notice me. I like it when you notice me. But a rational person doesn’t kiss a person they hate.”
“I know,” Somin said, frustrated.
“So you ever consider that maybe you don’t actually hate me?”
“I have to,” Somin whispered, her throat tight.
“Why?”
“Because otherwise I’d have to be worried that I kissed you. Twice.”
“True,” Junu said, lying back again and letting his eyes closed.
She started to go when he spoke again. “Will you stay tonight?”
She hesitated; there was nothing keeping her here. But she found herself saying, “Yes.”
13
THE FOREST WAS quiet. So still that Miyoung knew immediately it was a dream.
She walked down the path, her eyes moving back and forth, watching for any