he’d been stroking his hands up and down my sides, but it didn’t seem to help the restlessness invading my soul. I needed Vaughn. I didn’t want to need him. I didn’t want to need any of them. The idea that they’d all been carving out a place for themselves under my skin left me a little uneasy and at the same time…exhilarated? Was that even the right word?
The next morning, Jasper had been gone and no one would tell me where he was. Freddie speculated a lot of things, but he was too lost in his misery to really focus and I didn’t want to make him feel worse. At least watching the cupcake shows turned out to be fun for him and a distraction.
When Jasper arrived this morning, profound relief had swarmed through me, followed quickly by concern. He looked just awful. Kestrel couldn’t quite cover his concern fast enough, which confirmed for me I was right to be worried.
Not saying a word, Jasper led me out of the clubhouse into the main warehouse. There was no one around. In fact, there’d been almost no rats around anytime I’d stepped out since Rome ordered them out. Had they taken that to mean permanently? I both did and didn’t want to ask.
In the corner of the warehouse was a ladder tucked neatly against the wall. It kind of blended into the shadows. Well, it was too obvious for my escape, but… I glanced over to where the hooks and chains secured my silks and where I’d climbed to before.
“I know you’re not afraid of heights, so I’m going up first,” Jasper said. “That way I can open the hatch.”
I nodded. More than reasonable.
Five minutes later and after I’d climbed up behind him, we were standing on the roof. The sun was damn near blinding, and the air cold and fresh. It was definitely chilly, but when Jasper said where we were going, I’d snagged one of the hoodies off the sofas as we passed it.
Tucking my hands into my pockets, I gave it a faint sniff and smiled. Rome’s. It was weird that they all possessed distinctive and different scents. Or maybe not weird. I didn’t know.
Not saying anything, Jasper headed up the roof, and I followed him. He balanced against the slats, following where the support beams had to be beneath, and just over the lip of the top was a small table and a couple of lounge chairs. Well, more like seven, but only six were useable. One had been ripped and the fabric looked rough and worn.
Even more fascinating? The chairs and the table were bolted to the roof itself. The wind wouldn’t move them or the bad weather.
“This is the best spot in winter,” Jasper said as he motioned to the lounge chairs. “The morning sun warms up the roof and that warms up the chairs…”
A fact I confirmed as I slid into one of them. I turned sideways, mostly so I could just look at him, and also because wow, the chair was a lot warmer than I’d expected. It sent the heat right through my leggings.
Perched on the lounger next to mine, Jasper pulled a pack of cigarettes and a blunt out of his pockets. He held them both up, and I eyed the blunt. I’d planned to dance. If I got stoned, that wouldn’t be happening.
If I got stoned, it would take the edge off a lot of things. I’d always avoided drugs before…when given the option. I’d kill for a cigarette, but I nodded to the blunt.
They kept saying I was safe here, and so far, none of that had proved a lie. The guys were all… They were tough and they were fierce, and fuck, in some ways, they scared the hell out of me. But the desire to trust them burned ever brighter.
Maybe I was just asking for trouble.
Or maybe I had long since learned there was always a bigger fish.
“Thank fuck,” Jasper muttered before stuffing the cigarette pack back in his pocket and lighting up the blunt. He took a long draw on it before he passed it over. The smell of weed encircled us, the scent invading everything and permeating clothing. For the first time in my life, I didn’t give two fucks if it did. No one here would say anything.
I took in a lungful and closed my eyes, holding the breath in for a long moment before letting it out. “Should I make sure I