Vicious Circles - By Leann Andrews Page 0,64

Lynn calling me, in tears, to realize it. She’d bought a house and was snorting cocaine. I should have been shocked, but somehow I had known things would implode all along.

When she flew out to see me on Valentine’s Day, I noticed the change in her. She was dangerously thin and her eyes were tired. The life that I’d seen in those beautiful eyes was gone. That spark, the life that she held so tightly to the first time we’d met in Philadelphia, was missing. There wasn’t any way I could talk myself out of feeling responsible for that. I took an innocent person and turned her life upside down. She was thrust into the spotlight as I thrust myself into her life and I never once thought she couldn’t handle it. I was a selfish fucking prick and I never once considered how any of my plans would affect her. On my mission to help Fallyn, I’d helped myself to her sanity and I would never, ever forgive myself.

I dozed off and on the rest of the flight. I had never been happier to step onto California soil than I had been that morning. The sun hadn’t broken through yet but it would soon. People would start to move around and head off to work. I only had one want and that was to see Fallyn. Lynn had sent her address to me in a text message. I rattled it off to a cab driver before asking him to go as fast as he could.

Still, I didn’t know what I would say or if she would even see me. I hadn’t kept in touch which was just something I had trouble with anyway. Images of her leaning over a line of coke haunted me. When I drifted off into a light sleep, I dreamt of her and those eyes. Her eyes were lifeless in my dream.

Thankfully, there was no traffic and I made it to Malibu before the sun appeared. The gate was open to the drive, but I got out of the cab at the curb and walked up the slight hill slowly. My stomach twisted and I was fucking terrified. Something felt wrong and I had never wanted to be so wrong in my life. I was never a very religious man but that didn’t stop me from silently praying for things to be all right.

I bypassed knocking or ringing the bell and just went right in. The front door was unlocked and it opened easily. There was empty cups and evidence of a party all over the place. There was no sound besides my own heavy breathing.

“Fallyn? Baby?”

The feeling of dread thickened. I decided to search upstairs first. Each step was harder to take than the one before but eventually I reached the second floor. I could see, in the early morning light, that there was a small vanity light on in the bathroom. I hurried into the bedroom, calling her name the whole way.

Of course, I didn’t find Fallyn.

Jill lay face down on the bathroom floor, her face covered by her dark hair. I tilted my head, unsure of what to do. From where I stood it looked like she was sleeping, but as I got closer I realized she wasn’t asleep. I knelt down next to her and felt for a pulse. As soon as I touched her wrist, I knew she was gone. Her skin was cold and that was all I needed to know. I drew my hand back as if she’d burned me. My breaths sped up as I scrambled back into the bedroom.

“FALLYN,” I screamed. “Fuck, fuck…”I muttered to myself.

Jill was dead. She was cold and dead on the floor of some house in Malibu. I’d never seen a dead body before. I was scared in that moment.

I jogged through every room in that damned house until I saw her. Her bare feet protruded from the archway leading to the kitchen.

“Fallyn, please be OK.” I mouthed the words to myself as I ran to her side.

My shoes slipped in something dark on the floor as I fell to her side. I didn’t realize that it was her blood until I turned her over and saw the gash along the top of her head. She was breathing, but barely, and I shook her before I could actually process the scene. Blood, her blood, was everywhere from the head wound.

I grabbed her chin between my thumb and index finger roughly. “Jesus, Fallyn.