Vicious Circles - By Leann Andrews Page 0,42
Fallyn. When I said I loved you, I meant it and I would never throw those words around carelessly.” His voice was tainted with sadness and it broke my heart.
I climbed up and onto his lap. I straddled him right there on my doorstep and grabbed his face between both of my hands. I pressed my lips lightly against his and whispered, “We’ll be fine. I love you too.”
Silently, I abandoned his lap and let us both into the apartment. He followed me around as I changed, saying nothing. It was oddly comforting just to have his scent around me, to have him breathing in the same space as myself. I couldn’t quite believe the change in myself from earlier in the day to then. Obviously, Mason couldn’t either.
“Fallyn, we should talk about this. I don’t think pretending like it didn’t happen is such a good idea.” He grabbed my upper arm as I turned from the fridge with a beer in hand. He pulled me closer. “What’s going on with you? Your pupils are huge.”
I wrenched my arm away from him and sloshed the beer on my kitchen floor in the process.
“Nothing’s going on with me.” I grabbed for the paper towels to clean up the beer before it got sticky.
“Are you high?” he asked in a concerned voice.
“No! I’m not high, OK?” It hurt to lie to him. It damn near killed me. The little voice in the back of my head was screaming at me. It told me I was traveling; break neck speed, down a dead end road.
Shut the fuck up little voice. I’m in control now.
Mason knelt down to my level as I swiped the paper towels around on the floor. He lifted my chin with his right index finger until our eyes met. “What I did…that other girl, she had nothing to do with you. No one can be you in my eyes. So, you can tell me anything and I’ll always be here.”
I let my feet slip from under me so I landed on my ass. I burst into tears. “I couldn’t understand why. I just wanted to know why, Mason.” It was a wonder he understood what I was saying through my sobs.
“It won’t ever happen again.” There was finality to his tone that I knew all too well. He was telling me the truth. He pulled me to him, ignoring the still damp beer spill.
“What happens when you leave for the tour?” I mumbled. The crying had calmed quickly. I was truly turning into a bipolar mess.
Mason sighed. He didn’t like talking about him leaving. “When the time comes, we’ll work something out, promise.” His fingers ran absentmindedly through my hair.
We sat on my kitchen floor for the longest time, just feeling one another breathe. That was my favorite part about having Mason in my life. There was a time in my life when I didn’t think I needed anyone, but Mason weaseled his way in and I couldn’t live without him. It would cause me physical pain to lose him.
That little voice was right.
Chapter 15
November - Thanksgiving 2009
“I’m no genius like you Mason, but I think I can cook a turkey.”
“Fallyn, you are supposed to baste it every hour. That’s all I’m saying.” He held his hands up and backed away as if I were going to smack him.
“Are you Martha Stewart all of a sudden? Jesus.” I pulled a spoon from my silverware drawer and opened the oven to baste the turkey. “What time are the boys coming over?”
Mason opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. “They’ll be here around five but in ‘man’ time it’s really six thirty.” He grinned and ducked the oven mitt I tossed at his head.
We had talked long and hard about what to do for Thanksgiving. I was in no position to meet
Mason’s family for obvious reasons and I was also working on a small independent film. He didn’t seem upset about not going home for the holiday but I suspected that Christmas would be a different story.
The tension between Mason and I was starting to lessen which made my daily life a hell of alot easier. It wasn’t that I held anything that happened against him. Things just never totally went back to normal between us and if I were truly honest with myself, it was me. He didn’t have any trouble treating me like he did before the ‘kiss’ heard round the world. I didn’t love him any