Vicious Circles - By Leann Andrews Page 0,41

my hair.

Lynn was waiting patiently for me when I reemerged looking human enough to venture out in public. We ended up driving to Santa Monica and up Pacific Highway to eat at a small out of the way seafood place. It was busy but it was busy with locals. Our table was on the small deck and I sort of enjoyed the warm sun rays beating against my pale skin.

“How are you really?” Lynn asked as the waiter placed a salad in front of each of us.

I chewed slowly, trying to choose my words correctly. “I don’t know how to explain it. I was hurt when he told me what happened but today I missed him. I just want to forgive him and get back to normal but there’s that small part of me that’s holding me back.”

“I’m not on Mason’s side but I do have to say…he loves you. Anyone can see that. With that said, only you can decide where you two go from here. It doesn’t matter how much advice I give you; it’s your decision.”

I took a deep breath and a small bite of my salad. “It’s hard for me to judge him, Lynn. I’ve made so many bad choices that it seems fucking ridiculous.”

Lynn paused and looked at me. “You two spend so much time together. Don’t you think its okay to do your own thing every now and then?”

I looked at her stupidly.

“I don’t mean that Mason’s fuck up was OK, Fallyn,” she said laughing. “I mean, you and Mason never spent any real time apart and now you’re lost without each other.”

“He’s lost?” I questioned. “It’s only been a day; that seems silly.”

“I haven’t seen him. We didn’t really talk much before you and I became friends but I could tell when he called that something was wrong.”

I watched the waves roll in loudly. They crashed almost violently against the beach and the beachgoers. My chest began to ache at the thought of not having Mason in my world ever again.

I could feel my eyes begin to burn so I excused myself from the table and made my way to the bathroom. The restroom was cool and I hid away in a stall just in case Lynn came walking in. I pulled the small case with my medication from the bag I’d brought along. I didn’t need water; I could swallow two, or in that case three, no problem. There was no thought in my mind as the pills disappeared down my esophagus and into my stomach. Just knowing the light and airy feeling I would get in a matter of an hour made me smile.

Lynn raised an eyebrow at me when I returned but I just waved it off. I already knew I would let Mason right back in. Except, my goal to be the best he’d ever had was on in full force.

By the time my lunch with Lynn was over I was completely relaxed. Somehow, the fact that I had gone from taking one Percocet to taking three Percocet seemed to escape my notice. What I did notice was the way I felt afterwards. I felt free and it was as if all my issues melted away. I could breathe easily and most importantly I could think clearly.

“You’re sure you will be all right?” Lynn asked when she pulled up in front of my building.

Nothing would ruin my outlook on life while I was in my drug induced happy place. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

Lynn smiled although she didn’t look too convinced. She hugged me tightly and I climbed from the car. I bounced up the stairs and came to a screeching halt when I reached my door. Mason was sitting, back against the door, staring me dead in the face. He looked worn and his eyes were carrying bags that suggested to me he hadn’t slept enough.

“Hey,” I said dryly when I sunk down next to him.

His right arm slid around my shoulders instinctively and my head fell to rest against his. “I fucked things up.”

I snapped my eyes closed. Sitting next to him felt like the best idea in the world and I could have cared less what happened at that moment. His body heat permeated my thin tank top. I could have cried out in happiness simply because he was there.

“We can get through this you know? We’ll be fine.” I didn’t know if I was convincing him or myself.

“I don’t know why I did it,