empty platitudes, but making it clear they stood with her.
“We know if I get stressed, it will override the injections. We should figure out a system, practice drills as if we’re expecting a fire at any time. That will help give me some confidence when we go to the Council. I can’t . . .” She stopped, shook her head. “Let’s move into the bedroom. I’d rather talk in there.”
She led the way, sliding onto Daegan’s bed, putting her back against the pillows and folding her legs under her. Letting Gideon keep her as a buffer, despite Daegan’s amusement, she tugged her servant to a sitting position on the edge of the bed next to her, one leg crooked up to balance himself, while Daegan took his own seat on the opposite side, forming a loose triangle.
“I need to say something, not because you don’t know it, can’t already see it, but because I need to show you that I understand. I want to take charge of this, as much as possible. Not because I’m a control freak, but because in order for me to go down this path, I’m going to have to be holding the reins, to know that even when I’m out of control, that what’s happening is what I’ve asked to have happen, as much as possible. All right?”
Gideon nodded, and she received a flicker of acknowledgment from Daegan. “We know there are voices in my head I can’t control. We know I now have a vampire’s needs and cravings, and apparently the dominance that’s so strongly part of being a vampire has been amped up by those markers already existing in me.” She made a face at Gideon’s expression. “Don’t make me slap you.”
The grin that crossed his features freed more of the tension in her gut.
“We have two weeks, cher,” Daegan put in. “We can practice, just as you say. Develop keywords, systems for how to react, test different ways of helping you keep control or manage stress. You have two minds at your disposal. You can use both of them to help your own.” He passed a hand over her hair, easing the shadow that crossed her heart. “And remember, Gideon does know how to reach across your mind to mine, when yours is open. I can teach you to protect that conduit for him, so he can use it even when your mind is conscious but out of control. That should work, even if he’s not in the same place as you are. He just has to be within a reasonable proximity to you.”
So Gideon could be close, without being in the Council headquarters itself. That was reassuring, since she’d already been dreading the fact that Gideon couldn’t be with them. She saw Daegan glance toward Gideon, an unfathomable look, but she’d investigate whatever testosterone-inspired meaning that had later. She had enough to think about right now without delving into Gideon’s head or interpreting Daegan.
Daegan had shifted positions, parting the towel to show a lean and powerful thigh. She was already holding Gideon’s hand, stroking his fingers, and now she ran her other hand along that expanse, which reinforced their connection, while stirring her nerves in a pleasant way. She needed the calming effect of both reactions, because her stomach was knotting. Daegan’s words had reminded her how those shadow voices could make her a prisoner of her mind, helplessly watching from inside, like she had as she beat Gideon to death.
Memories like that, ambushes on who and what she’d been, chipped away at the foundation she was building, allowing those full-blown attacks in. Who was she kidding? It was going to take every ounce of her energy and focus to prepare and then hold it together for the Council visit. Her idea to go out to dinner tomorrow night was a bad one, indicative of how much she needed to work on her judgment. Her, in a restaurant? The things that could happen . . .
She couldn’t overlook the fact she’d already be starting with a handicap when she traveled to Council headquarters. She’d have to go without Gideon. But he could stay somewhere nearby, where she could access the steadying influence of his mind, as Daegan had suggested. It wouldn’t be the same as his physical presence, but it would be all right.
Yes, it was all going to be fine. She just needed more practice. She pushed aside the tired despair that tried to creep into her mind. Everything for