it with a pressure that brought her gaze back to his. “Your pride is something I cherish as well, when it is a reflection of your deep self-confidence and inner strength. Not when it is a foolish worry that I think less of you for needing to depend on us more than you ever have. Can you not see how much we both cherish your trust? The trust of a Mistress isn’t given lightly.”
“What if I never learn control?”
“You’ve always been extraordinary, Anwyn,” he responded. “Which makes me believe you will.”
“I agree,” Gideon offered. The vampire hunter met her gaze. “It’s going to be a tough road, but you can’t give up on yourself, Anwyn.”
Remember our faith when you can’t remember your own, cher.
Anwyn pressed her lips together. Perhaps the thing she hated most about the unstable vampire blood that Barnabus had inflicted upon her, as well as her transition, was that she could be turned into a dangerous, petulant child if thwarted. She hated not being able to stop her anger from surging forward into her mind, painting everything red. Though it was no fault of his own, Daegan had made it worse when he stepped back from her, leaving her cold against the tile, the water wet and unpleasant. When they’d both resisted her will, her mood had changed, becoming darker, uglier.
She’d wanted to taunt Gideon, ask him which he preferred; to let Daegan drink from him, or to fuck him. All she had to do was ask, and the answer would be there in his head. An answer she knew, even though he didn’t want anyone to know that answer, even himself. Daegan was wrong. She would have been worse than Barnabus if she did that. How often would she have to ask their forgiveness for such things?
“I think we both told you a long time ago, until you get a handle on all this, you don’t have to say you’re sorry.” Gideon came closer again, his jaw firm and resolute.
“Yes,” she said quietly, pushing aside her shame that he’d heard that thought and hoping he hadn’t heard all of it. “I do. Because it helps me remember how I should behave.”
She realized it was another important role Daegan would play, because she would in fact capitulate to a chastisement from him, where she wouldn’t from Gideon. Balance of power and all that. God, their world had become a crazy place, but there was a logic to all of it, as Daegan had implied. It was ironic, because a Mistress was as likely as a vampire to exploit a submissive’s aversion to something, particularly if she thought it wasn’t revulsion but suppressed desire that turned them away from a certain path.
A part of her was still shaking from Daegan’s quick response, but her own wry humor chided her. You said you wanted him to show his emotions more often.
The vampire heard that, a surprised look crossing his devilishly handsome face, dispelling some of the shadows lingering between them. She was still concerned about him needing blood. Maybe he would go out soon. Of course, Daegan Rei had been taking care of himself for a long time. It was pointless of her to worry over him.
Lifting her hand, she touched Daegan’s forearm. Turning her hand over, she ran her knuckles up his arm, to the crook of the elbow. With her other hand, she reached out to Gideon. She noted he stayed a little behind her, using her as a buffer between them. When Daegan’s eyes met the hunter’s gaze, a faintly amused, taunting look in his expression, Gideon gave him his usual eat-shit-and-die look. The interaction between them helped steady her, made it much easier to regain her footing from these mini-episodes with the two of them working on her in a tag team.
“You haven’t said, but from your face, I know we need to go to the Council. They didn’t let me off on the validation requirement, did they?” At Daegan’s nod, she drew a breath. “Okay, then. So I guess we need to reassess. We know I can’t rely on my control as a sure thing. Not now, not a month from now. Maybe not ever.”
She was proud the words came out smooth, steady, because inside they felt quarried out of her lower gut with a jackhammer. It might have been easier to say she had terminal cancer. It bolstered her, the way the two of them drew closer, closing ranks. Not reassuring her with