Upside Down (Breaking the Rules #3) - A.M. Madden Page 0,93

Tuesday, which meant another opportunity to tell him in person wouldn’t come for days.

“Sounds good,” I agreed as the little voice in my head screamed, “Pussy!”

When the blast of a cab horn caused me to jump, he stared at me a bit too long. “You okay, dude?”

“Yeah.” I needed to do this now, or the possibility that Sam would find out my truth during my eulogy was a great one. I needed my fucking mouth to grow a set of balls and speak. “Want to grab a beer?” I pathetically asked.

“We just had three.” Sam folded his arms and frowned. “Seriously, Coop. What is going on with you?”

“I need to talk to you.” I looked around and shook my head. “But not out on the street.”

“We were just together for over two hours. Why didn’t you tell me in the restaurant?” My silence caused his frown to deepen. “Jesus, Cooper. You’re scaring me. Are you sick? Is it Mom or Dad?”

“It’s nothing like that.” I flicked my head back toward the door we’d exited. “Let’s go back in. Sit at the bar. I’ll fill you in.”

“Okay.”

Wordlessly, he followed me toward two barstools at the far end. The restaurant had still been bustling with customers, but I was grateful there were few at the bar. I had no way to predict how Sam would react, and the fewer eyes on us the better. I quickly ordered two more of the beers we’d been drinking, and when the bartender went to retrieve them, Sam immediately said, “So spill it. What do you need to tell me?”

I met his concerned expression with one of determination. “You know how you felt after you and Lydia reunited again? You said once she came back into your life, it was obvious that your heart had searched for something until then?”

“Yeah,” he said cautiously.

“It’s no secret I’ve been looking for the same, an undeniable connection that makes it obvious every other one you had was a farce.” That time he nodded just as I dragged in a fortifying breath. “Okay, well, at your wedding, I felt a crackling, for lack of a better word, that I had never felt before. A lure, a pull.”

“That chick the cruise director?” he asked through a grin. “I saw you talking to her. Redhead, smoking-hot body?”

“Let’s ignore that you noticed her attributes during your wedding…” He shrugged. “But no. Not her.”

Sam’s gaze focused on something beyond my head as he tried to remember which of the other females could’ve caught my eye. Sparing him, I came out with it. “Ricky.”

Pure and undeniable shock altered his entire face. “What?”

“Ricky. I felt that pull toward Ricky.” I took his silence as an opportunity to keep plowing on, explaining how much I’d pushed him away that week. I admitted that Ricky had dominated my thoughts once I got home and until the moment I’d landed in Florida. During my rundown, Sam wouldn’t look at me. “I didn’t plan for it to happen, but it did. We spent a lot of time together and…” Sam’s suddenly drilling me with his stare had me falter before adding, “I love him.”

“What?” he repeated. “You’re not gay.”

“But I am.”

“How does one go from being straight to gay without warning?” The accusing question flew at me like a cobra strike, quick and immobilizing… and valid. “Maybe this is just one of your phases,” he suggested, clearly looking for an out for me.

“It’s not. I never felt this way before, not with any woman I’d ever been with… not even with Riana. She knows.”

“She does?”

“Yeah. She was who I confided in when I got home from your wedding.” The look he gave me prompted further explanation. “I needed to talk to someone, and you were on your honeymoon.”

Ignoring my excuse, he asked, “Who else knows?”

“Marco and Becks. Mom and Dad.”

“What the fuck, Cooper?” His outburst caught the attention of everyone in the vicinity, but, undeterred, he continued to glare at me. “Does the fucking mailman know?”

“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I haven’t told Janis or Griff yet.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” Just as I’d predicted, my brother focused on the secrecy instead of the secret. “How did Mom and Dad take it?”

“Good, considering Dad saw Ricky and I kiss.” Sam’s expression remained stoic, and I would’ve preferred a scowl or grimace. “They were upset I didn’t confide sooner… not unlike you. But they support me and understand. Not knowing if you would was