sweat-drenched face. It’s not like her limbs and muscles are going to listen to her brain anyway. Otherwise, she’d stop shaking by now.
“Come on. Let’s get you back in bed. I’ll stay with you through this. I’m here,” Marcus tells her.
She can feel his arms pulling her and holding her. Every step hurts more than the last. But he manages to help her in bed.
“No covers,” she tells him. “I’m burning alive.”
“No covers,” he repeats.
He doesn’t say anything else for what seems like an eternity.
She can hear and feel his steady breathing an hour later but knows he’s not asleep. She knows he’s awake and watching. Making sure she gets through this. Whether it’s because it’s his job or not, she’s still thankful.
“This suffering…these cravings,” she whispers. “They’re bad. So bad, Marcus.”
“I know,” he quietly replies. “I’ve been there.”
That’s the truth. Marcus is also a recovering addict. Twenty years sober.
“It’s still not as much suffering as I’ve lived through on the drugs with men using my body,” she continues.
A teardrop slides down the side of her face at that comprehension.
“Hold on to that truth, Ariana. Draw strength from it. Being weak when you’re fighting to stay sober is better than being weak and giving up. I’m proud to hear that you are fighting for your right to live.”
“Proud?” she whispers. “No…no one has ever said that to me before. Not even my mom,” she confesses. “But I always knew that she was,” she quickly adds.
She didn’t need to taint the memories of her mother. Those memories have always been her light in the darkness to remind her that there are good things in life. Her straight fall to hell didn’t start until her mother passed away anyway. Many times, she wondered what her mother had to do to pay off this endless debt and what horrors her mother had to endure.
Marcus chuckles and she can feel the bed shaking a fraction from it.
“Did Chase King set this off?” he deadpans.
“Not exactly,” she replies.
“But you thought he was here…for a turn,” he states rather than asks. “It forced you to revisit memories that you’d rather suppress.”
She nods without a verbal response.
“It sucks to tell you this but it’s the truth. You’re going to have to face many moments like this, Ari. Moments that will force you to face your past. Don’t try to suppress them because then these moments become triggers. Live through them.”
“Live through them? I don’t understand,” she tells him.
“Yes, Ari. Realize that you’ve lived through the past already. You cannot change any of it. But you were strong enough to survive. They might be nasty and unpleasant memories but you survived them. They can only haunt you for as long as you let them.”
“They are debilitating,” she admits because she doesn’t know how to find the strength to overcome these cravings for the rest of her life.
“They can be,” Marcus tells her. “It’s part of recovery. It’s not an overnight thing. But you can build yourself up so that you’re stronger to face it each time. It’s possible,” he finishes as if he knew that’s what she was going to say next.
Again, her thoughts drift to Adam. He’d said he’d build her up.
Didn’t he?
Chapter Nineteen
“Her recovery plan is unique. So we are having to deal with the trials that she faces as they come,” Marcus tells him. “She’s dealing day by day, so it’s hard to follow the usual steps with her.”
“And Chase set her off?” he asks.
Marcus nods and glances toward the kitchen window. He follows Marcus’s gaze and finds the window empty.
They’re standing in the gazebo discussing Ariana’s breakdown. And from what Marcus says, it was a pretty nasty one. Recovering addicts falter. They have their ups and downs. He knows this and has never had the patience for it. Until her.
Everything changed the moment their lips touched, maybe even before that. Something inside of him…came alive again.
And fucking Chase, his brother, just set her back in that recovery. Fucking asshole.
He and Marcus walk back to the house in silence. Once inside, Marcus gives him an encouraging nod before he leaves the house to run whatever personal business he needs to handle. The man has been here day and night for over a month now. Marcus gets paid more than enough but everyone needs some time to handle personal business too.
He didn’t have to guess where Ariana is and heads to her bedroom. Marcus says she barely leaves the room except for her meals since Chase