don’t know if I’m thinking as much as I’m feeling.”
“Okay,” I said cautiously. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I think betrayed would be an accurate word.”
He turned toward me after he spoke, and the look in his eyes made me feel like I had a hole in my chest. Like Iron Man without his arc reactor, I could feel my heart struggling to beat. Out of all the things I thought Drew would’ve said, “betrayed” hadn’t been one of them. I hadn’t betrayed him. I’d been honest, albeit probably after I should have been.
“I never intended to betray you. The opposite, actually. I didn’t want to hurt you.” I heard my voice crack and made no effort to steady it. Maybe it would be best if Drew knew this affected me too—not from a selfish standpoint, but that his pain was my pain too. “I’d never try to hurt you, but I realize I hurt you anyway.”
When I reached out to touch his hand, I prepared myself for his rejection, but it didn’t come. Instead, he put his hand on top of mine, his thumb just barely rubbing my skin, like he didn’t want to touch me but couldn’t stop himself.
“I just… I don’t even know what I’m most upset about.”
Okay, so there are multiple things.
“Why don’t you just tell me all of them and not worry about prioritizing them?”
“Okay,” he agreed. “This is so hard, though. I feel like I’m verbalizing a list of your faults or something.”
I laughed, but there wasn’t any humor to the sound. “It’s all right. I’m a big girl. I got us into this by not communicating. I think the only way we can get past it is if we’re honest.”
Nodding slowly, he said, “Right. Okay.” He was quiet for a few moments, as if he was still debating that this was the best way to proceed. Finally he said, “You didn’t tell me all the ways moving forward could impact our future.”
“My future, Drew. Marketing is my future, not yours.”
“Your future is my future,” he said, and I didn’t know if that made me feel better or worse. Somehow probably a little of both. “If you were worried about this—the Yard—reflecting badly on you and possibly ruining your career, you should’ve told me. I deserved to know. We could’ve figured this out together.”
“You said that earlier.”
“Yeah, and I’m saying it again because you need to understand it. No, it wasn’t fair of you to keep all this from me when I could’ve changed the name and the promotional stuff. We could’ve opened later in the summer. In the long run, it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“It would’ve mattered to me.” I realized that sounded selfish, which was the exact opposite of what I was trying to convey, so I tried to clarify. “I’m not going to let you sacrifice something you worked so hard for because I’m worried about something that might happen. Sure, the idea of my name being dragged through the mud causes me anxiety, but I’m not going to let my anxiety become yours. What good does that do us?”
“Maybe none. Maybe it causes more problems than it fixes. But it also puts us on a level playing field.”
“This isn’t a game,” I said before he could continue.
I could see his expression shift after I spoke. He looked like he was trying to hold back anger that was building inside.
“I know it’s not a game,” he shot back. “It’s a fucking analogy, Sophia. Jesus. This is the opposite of a game to me. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. This”—he gestured between us—“this is the most important thing to me. More important than some bar or your dad believing in me. It’s more important than anything.”
Swallowing hard, I reached up to wipe a tear away from my cheek, but Drew beat me to it.
“Don’t cry,” he said. “Please don’t cry.”
“I’m trying not to,” I said, but more tears fell at my words. “I’m just… This isn’t a game to me either. I love you. I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I was trying to protect you.”
He rubbed his thumbs over my skin to swipe away at some more tears. Then he gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Isn’t it supposed to work the other way around? Aren’t I supposed to be the one protecting you?”
He pulled me against him, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Maybe we should both protect each other. Level playing field, remember?”
I felt him smile