We streamed a film we found on Netflix—The Spirit of Christmas—on his downstairs TV. He lay against my chest, the way we were beginning to when we watched TV together. I ran my hand through his hair, without inhibition, feeling the right to do it.
“Tex recommended this?” James asked.
“Hey, he recommended it as a goofy movie, which it is. Don’t defame my main man.”
He rolled over in my lap and faced me.
“I wouldn’t do Tex the dishonor.”
James smiled, and I leaned down and took another kiss.
“So as far as presents go…” I said.
“I think I know what I want, but I’m kinda scared to mention it.” His expression was serious, especially for the night we had.
“Tell me.”
His gaze shifted. I could sense his hesitation, but I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this.
“I’ll start seeing someone after the break,” I said, my words a promise.
There was relief in his expression, tears shifting in his eyes. “It’s clear there’s so much in there still…and I really want you to be able to work through it in a healthy environment. There are plenty of resources in Atlanta… Are you mad I brought it up?”
“Not at you. At myself for not having done this sooner.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over this. Some people go much longer without getting help. I just…even in the best of times, I can see it in your eyes, lingering. And if I could tear through those chains for you, I would.”
“I know you would.”
He’d more than revealed the sort of man he was in the time I’d known him.
“But…uh…if you get that as your present, then I’m gonna need something too,” I confessed. It took me a minute to push the words out of my mouth. “Help me get help. Help me find someone, and give me the strength to get my body through the door.”
His hand was on my face in a moment as a tear escaped my eye. “Of course, Kyle. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”
I leaned into his touch, turning and kissing his palm.
36
Kyle
Taryn settled into a chair next to me, taking a breath as she let her shopping bags hit the floor. Ben and I had accompanied her to the mall for a Sunday outing.
Since James and I had become a regular thing, Sundays had usually been reserved just for us, but after a few weeks of using that greedily only for each other, we agreed we could spare a day with friends. So while I hung with Taryn and Ben, James was out at a movie with some teacher friends from school.
Ben pulled out containers from the paper bag, inspecting each before passing them to us.
God, I couldn’t even look at General Tso without thinking about James.
As we settled in, Taryn swallowed some of her pad thai before saying, “It’s been a while, but Ben proved once again that you just don’t have what it takes to be full-blown gay.”
“Full-blown gay?” I asked.
“Yeah. I only befriended you guys so you could help me with my wardrobe. You’re so useless in that department.”
“That’s not entirely honest about why you befriended me,” I said, glaring at her.
“Okay, that dick didn’t hurt in that department.”
“Didn’t hurt at all?”
“Please. I’m not one of your boy toys. I know how to fake all that.” She winked, assuring me of what I’d already known about the times we’d messed around. “Okay, I won’t perpetuate any more stereotypes. I’ll let Ben take care of that.”
“Happy to do it,” he practically sang.
“And I love the pink bangs,” she said, noting the subtle pink streak he’d dyed into them.
“Really? Kyle hasn’t said anything, so I figured…”
“Please. It’s fucking hot as hell. The whole football team is gonna be trying to get in that ass.”
He blushed at the deserved compliment. He’d seen several guys since Doug, and I could tell his confidence had returned since the beginning of the year, when he’d been so wrecked over a moron who hadn’t realized what an awesome guy he’d had all along.
“Well, thank you both,” Ben added. “I was gonna do this for when we go to prom…you know, since someone and her baby are the reason we missed our first big dance of the year.”
Taryn shook her head. “I told you we’re pretending I don’t have a kid for this outing.”
“Like we’re pretending Kyle doesn’t have a secret lover?”
I neither confirmed nor denied Ben’s accusation. Even though