and Brian had seemed when Dr. Henry was lecturing them. I struggled to think of how to even start the conversation, especially knowing all that I knew now.
“Kyle, is everything okay?” was all I could think to say.
He was still so tense and stiff, as if waiting for me to chastise him like I might have Brian, but my question seemed to catch him off guard, and he looked up to me with surprise.
I sat down beside him, not wanting him to feel like I was trying to look down on him during any of this.
“I…”
He didn’t go any further with his thought, so I figured I’d help him out. “I think I have a better understanding of what happened in that alley and why you always look like you’re ready to kick someone’s ass, but what happened in class… Nothing justifies lashing out at him like that.”
“I wouldn’t have done that to you,” he insisted. “I was just trying to scare him.”
It wasn’t lost on me that he was more concerned about how that would have affected me than Brian.
“Really? Because it looked like you weren’t able to control much back there.”
“I…lost it for a minute, yes, but by the time I got to him, I knew what the right thing to do was…or wasn’t.”
“What made you feel you needed to react like that?”
“He was being a dick to you.”
“People are like that to me all the time. They’ve been that way for years.”
“You don’t deserve that. Just like you didn’t deserve it from Sheila.”
He looked into my eyes as he said that, and I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it like that before. I remembered telling him about the ways she hurt me or put me down, and then the way he would always get so on edge, looking like he wanted to start a fight.
He turned away from me, his eyes watering. “I don’t like seeing the people I care about get hurt.”
“I get that, Kyle. I really do, but some kid mouthing off to me in class isn’t the same as me getting mugged in an alley or…”
“…or watching your mom get her head banged up against a cabinet.”
Clearly, he already knew where the instinct had come from, and it broke my heart knowing that Brian’s asshole remark had done a number on him, dredged up those cruel memories. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and let him know everything was going to be all right. I wanted to protect that little boy who’d been wronged too many times.
“I really am sorry,” Kyle said.
“You don’t need to apologize. That’s not why I’m talking to you. I worry about you.”
“You don’t have to be concerned about me. As you can see, I’m a fighter.”
“It’s not the fight on the outside that worries me.”
He looked me in the eyes once again. “Yeah, that worries me too sometimes.”
“I don’t want to sound like I’m playing teacher here, but we can find you help outside Wyachet if that’s what we need to do.”
He nodded. “I know that’s what I need, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that, James.”
“I get that, and I’m here for anything you need, or if you want to talk more about any aspect of it.”
He seemed nervous, and I thought about how I’d worded everything, hoping I hadn’t concerned him.
“But I would like you to get comfortable enough that you can seek something more. The things you’re dealing with, they’re too much for anyone to carry without help.”
“I know. Just…I think there’s still this part of me that remembers Mom asking me to lie, and I know it sounds fucked up, but it’s like I’m betraying my family by telling people.”
“Your family betrayed you. Not the other way around.”
“Easier said than believed,” he remarked, a bitter smirk on his face.
“I don’t blame you there.”
“Either way, I guess I can enjoy a little detention time. Maybe I can get some time to finish a final essay for a certain English teacher.”
I laughed. “I’m not too concerned about that.”
“This isn’t going to change anything, though, is it?” He must’ve sensed I wasn’t sure what he meant, because he added, “You’re still going to follow through with our deal?”
“Of course, Kyle. This has nothing to do with that. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I would never betray your trust like that.”
His shoulders relaxed, and he took a breath, as though he’d been holding it.
“There’s going to be an event next Thursday at the