His expression revealed just what a painful request it was. I didn’t have any expectation of him taking me up on it, but before I had the chance to chalk it up to a joke, he said, “Deal.”
We looked into one another’s eyes. Obviously, it wasn’t the first time we’d done that, far from it, but it felt like it was a first something. I’d gone through so much of my life wanting to be invisible, but I wanted James to see me…the real me.
We didn’t say anything more about the agreement as we continued working, but I’d taken it seriously, and for some reason, judging by the way he’d said it, I knew he had too.
If I wanted to know more about James’s wounds, I’d have to share mine. It wasn’t something I was eager to do, but it was what had to be done if I had any chance of getting to his.
And that’s what I wanted so fucking badly, it burned in my goddamn chest.
20
James
Inappropriate, that’s what my relationship with Kyle was. Since we’d practically made out, there was no doubt in my mind about that. But it was even worse that, despite the potential consequences and our conversation about our actions, I didn’t want it to stop there.
Any opportunity to see him excited me, including the H4H’s annual Thanksgiving party. When Maya and DJ had first asked him if he’d be in attendance, he said yes, his gaze meeting mine, as though he wanted me to know in hopes that I’d be there too. I assured the group I would be attending too, and I could see his expression shift subtly to relief.
When that evening arrived, I headed through DJ and Maya’s house, carrying a pecan pie and a broccoli casserole. I said some friendly hellos to the volunteers I recognized as I worked my way to the designated dish table. Then I searched around for Kyle, doubting he’d be there just yet. I hadn’t seen his car outside, though I wondered if he might have carpooled with some of the others. I navigated into the kitchen, where I found spaces for the main dish and dessert.
“Hey,” I heard behind me.
A calm moved through me, the sort that reminded me of the familiar ease I would get after I was prescribed Xanax to help me through my separation. Strange to think that Kyle was the reason for my anxiety and also the subsequent ease his presence offered.
I turned to see him in a hoodie and jeans like the ones he’d been wearing the last few Saturdays. He stood what seemed like just a little too close.
“Hey, Kyle,” I said, enjoying the sensation of his name slipping past my lips.
“That your pecan pie you were telling me about?”
“Yeah, and that right there, broccoli casserole.”
“I made lemon squares—or I should say, Tex helped me—and Brussels sprouts.”
“I’ll have to try some.”
“Good, ’cause I definitely wanna taste your pie.” The way he said it, slowly, his lips moving in a peculiar way, it seemed like he intended it as innuendo, but admittedly, everything that came out of his mouth now sounded like that to me. Funny how quickly things went from innocent to not-even-slightly innocent.
His gaze shifted up and down, looking over my shirt. I could tell he noticed, and I was glad, especially as he bit down on his bottom lip.
“That might be my favorite shirt, Mr. Nipples.” He winked.
I snickered. “How’s Taryn’s kid?”
She’d had the baby the week before and had been out of school—to the delight of plenty of Wyachet High gossips, as they awaited her return. At our last build, Kyle had told me about staying with her at the hospital the night she went into labor, reminding me that he was as good a friend as I imagined him to be.
Kyle perked up. “Little guy’s doing great. Thanks for asking.”
“Did she end up going with Timmy?”
“Nah. And I tried to push for Kyle Jr., but she went with Matthew. Very respectable name, I thought. She’s gonna have her hands full, but she’s got really supportive parents, eager to help out wherever they can. Ben’s already been planning the kid’s wardrobe for the next three decades, so I doubt he’ll ever want for new clothes.”
I laughed. “I’m glad to hear that.”
A loud holler came from nearby.
We turned to DJ, who embraced us with open arms. “Ah, my two best buddies!” he exclaimed, and I could tell he’d already had too much to drink.