James that left me wondering where we stood, or anything uncomfortable that might have left me suspecting he’d changed his mind since our discussion. He would glance at me occasionally, but as he had before, with those gentle eyes and friendly smile. The simplest of looks had transformed into so much more in my head.
We weren’t “back to normal.” There was no going back. I would never be able to shake the memory of his lips, his taste, the way I felt he wanted me, the way I discovered I was right about all I’d experienced.
“It was beautiful.”
So fucking beautiful.
Even more than the kiss, though, I treasured what we’d talked about. Him telling me about his wife and her betrayal, and me telling him about my parents. We’d shared things we hadn’t with anyone else.
We didn’t only have one secret, but several, and I enjoyed being the keeper of his.
A part of me felt like some switch had turned on in my brain that night in the alley, yet I was aware that what had led me to that extracurricular assignment had been more fascination with James than this overprotective impulse that just grew in intensity the more I got to know him, the more we got to know one another.
I believed Saturday would be the real test for how we would manage our agreement. And even just waking up was different. Normally I was groggy, tired from the deliveries I’d made Friday night, but I headed out, refreshed and eager. When I arrived at the site, I parked alongside the street, and as I walked past the cars, took note of James’s. Then I noticed him farther down the drive, chatting with the usual gang, his gaze shifting to me as though he’d been waiting to see me as much as I’d been waiting to see him.
He didn’t stifle that broad grin or that gleam in his eyes, one that had me thinking that everyone could read what the warmth in his expression really meant. Although, the obliviousness in everyone’s expressions reminded me that no one could read our thoughts, despite how loud mine were screaming as I replayed that kiss for maybe the thousandth time since Wednesday.
He wore a dark-gray pullover that let me know I wouldn’t be getting to see his gun show that day, but as long as he kept smiling like that, I wouldn’t care. I caught up with DJ, Hanna, Bentley, and Maya before we hit the roof, working with some newbies while James did his usual thing. There was a sort of calm to it, not that sting like I’d felt before our talk. We shared the occasional looks as we did in class, and it was enough, until we found ourselves at lunch, on our own, since DJ, Maya, and Bentley had to chat with Hanna about solving an issue inside the house we were working on.
I wasn’t much of a believer, but if I had been, I would have thought God, or the universe, or some sadist demon that interfered with our lives, had conspired to pull us apart from the crowd.
“Tex doing well?” James asked.
“Going on another day-date today. I think he’s decided these Saturdays are his time to make the magic happen.”
As James laughed, some of the remaining tension between us dissolved. It would take time, I was sure. We weren’t out of the woods, not while he was coming to terms with some things about himself as well as what must have been the real worry about what we’d done affecting his life if anyone found out. Not to mention those things he’d told me about Sheila.
“I know we had a lot to discuss at once before,” James said, “but now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I figure there might be other things you’d want to chat about…with a friend.” He was talking about what I’d shared about my parents.
“Yeah, that was all I was ready to talk about then. Maybe even more than I was ready to talk about.”
“I understand. Feels like being human is having these gaping wounds you run around hiding so no one else can pick at them. Then someone gets a glimpse, and it makes it all feel—”
“A little more bearable. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, that was exactly where I was going.”
We shared a look, two men who’d seen each other’s open wounds—just enough to know.
“Maybe we could make a deal,” I said. “I’ll show you mine if