anything that happened, but because I was fucking tired of hearing people assuming shit about him. And because I felt defensive when it came to him, now more than ever.
“You know him better than I do,” Kendra said. “I’m going off rumors, but as we both know, there’s always a little truth to rumors.”
“Yeah, and in this case, I wonder what that bit of truth is.”
She looked at me like she was curious and amused by my thoughts on him. “Maybe I should reconsider some of them anyway. He did swing by to volunteer and does that H4H stuff with you. I wouldn’t have thought he cared about anyone other than himself, but people can surprise you. Anyway, thanks again for coming by to help today, and sorry for the whole running in and out. I promise it’ll be easier once I can nail down a sitter who can drive and organize her calendar.”
We shared a laugh before saying our goodbyes, and she headed to her car.
As I got behind the wheel of mine, I felt that energy Kyle had stirred. God, had I even been alive before that kiss? I bowed forward, caught between the passion of that moment we’d shared and the sting of knowing how wrong it was.
I recalled a forced kiss with a guy in college during a game of spin the bottle. It hadn’t been like that—nothing like that. Nothing in my life could have matched that passion and intensity, the desire pulsing through my veins.
And it was unsettling how such satisfaction could twist into an ache, tearing through my conscience. I gasped, like I had after the kiss, taking in a refreshing breath.
Jesus Christ, I was in trouble.
17
Kyle
To say I was in shock would have been an understatement.
Before I went to the library, I mapped out what I’d say to James. I’d tell him how I felt and why he needed to leave me the hell alone.
That plan obviously hadn’t included kissing him, but it had been so hard to see him standing there, in such pain. My impulse had proved more than I could resist.
He was supposed to push me away, not kiss me back. What was he fucking thinking? What were either of us thinking?
If Ms. Eiken had walked in a few moments sooner, I would have totally fucked up James’s life.
Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.
As I opened the door to the house, Tex stepped in the kitchen entryway. “Kylie, I was just making some ice cream.”
Of course he was. The universe had never been fucking convenient to me, so why would he be upstairs doing Pilates when he could be seeing me like this, his expression showing the concern of one of the few people who knew me too well.
“Hey, buddy. What’s wrong?”
“Tex, I just… I can’t explain right now.” I didn’t want to dismiss him, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts. He offered a nod to assure me I wasn’t betraying him by leaving him without an explanation.
I headed upstairs, burst into my room, and closed the door. It reminded me of the way I might have done it to escape…before hearing the sound of Dad’s footsteps creeping down the hall…and the knock that suggested the beating wasn’t over just yet.
“Leave me alone, just leave me alone,” I whispered to myself.
It didn’t have anything to do with James as much as the adrenaline and confusion that raced through me, and the flash of pain from my past.
I leaned against the door, battling the emotions raging through me.
I needed to shut the world out, needed James’s skin back against mine.
I’d taken so much. Pushed too close, breathed him in, licked his tongue…seized every moment of pleasure, none of it denied to me. But with every minute since we’d parted, it was as if all those sensations were slipping away from me when all I wanted was to cling to them and never let go.
What fucked-up kind of world made it so the most twisted of memories haunted us forever while those most precious slipped from our grasp within the span of an hour? I practically chased it through my mind, begging for the experience not to leave me. It couldn’t, not when I didn’t know if I’d ever have another moment like that with James again.
But it was useless. Instead of the delicious memory, there was mostly the long list of reasons why we couldn’t, all the reasons why I’d busted the hell out of there once