the ultimate power move, too, so yeah, I do. I’m a ho,” she says then laughs.
Then I laugh, and we laugh together until we both practically cry.
“You’re no ho, Chloe; you just needed more love than one man could give you, to help you realize you’re worth it.”
“I know I don’t have to tell you this, but it’s still new. And, as much as it was a big fuck you to society, we all want to keep it on the downlow until we’re comfortable with it.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“And, Savvy, I’m telling you to go after him. He looks miserable, and you are miserable. Life’s too short, and you know that better than most.”
Chin up, tits out. That was the way I walked into homeroom on Monday, and no, I wasn’t the first there. I was the last.
When I sat between them, I looked at Justice first. “Congratulations.”
He narrows his eyes. “He tapped out.”
I shrug. “A win is a win, even if a fight is nothing more than two men trying to see who’s bigger.”
“The fuck you just say—”
I hold my hand up in front of his face, almost touching it, like he did mine that first day. “I’m entitled to my opinion, so suck it.”
Patrick leans over and whispers, “You hang with Ziggy and Roach before school today?”
I glance over at him. He looks concerned. “Nope.”
“Huh,” is all he says.
I don’t leave the classroom as soon as the bell rings. I take my time.
Patrick and I are the last to leave. He stops and looks back at me, totally missing the fact I’m checking him out. Then he turns around in the doorway, nearly filling it, and looks down at me. “You sick again?”
I shake my head. “I feel fine.”
I grab his hand and place it on my head. “Do I feel hot?”
He narrows his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything.
I let go of his hand and duck under his arm, heading to Lit.
In Women Studies, I walk in, coffee in hand, and sit down.
He doesn’t look at me, just whisper-hisses, “Cut the shit.”
“What shit are you referring to? I’m just back to being me.” I turn and face him. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“Why would I have a problem with that?”
“You seriously just hissed cut the shit to me.”
He nods. “Game on, Savvy.”
“Bring it, Tricks.”
“Consider it brought.”
The entire week, we dance around each other. If I said I didn’t like it, that would be a downright … truth.
In fact, I was so stressed that I was having a recurring dream that felt incredibly real, about Chloe and Patrick fucking at school, and me watching. If the universe was trying to tell me something, to abort mission, to stop the shit, I didn’t listen. I continued forcing myself to be in his face and not crawl into my comfort zone.
It felt fake. It was fake. It didn’t feel like us—the us I think I ruined.
But I persisted.
On Friday, I sent him a message, inviting him to Crystal Lake for a low-key party, because he told Roach and Ziggy that, although he was enjoying this game, he’d wait for an invite from me.
An hour later, I got sick of waiting, so I FaceTimed him.
He answered on three rings. “Sup, Savvy?”
“You don’t have to be a dick; you could respond to my message.”
“Yeah, well, I just paused porn to answer your call. Now who’s winning?”
I wait for him to laugh or smile or something.
“You got something to ask me, or are you just gonna sit there?”
“Whatever. Fuck you, then.”
“Definitely what every guy wants.” Then he hangs up on me.
“He’ll be here,” Chloe whispers.
“I don’t want him here. I want to get shitfaced, high, and not worry about anything but spending the weekend, that I took off, finding my center again.”
“Perfect idea.” Ziggy raises his red Solo cup, and I raise both of mine.
Little by little, a few more of Ziggy and Roach’s friends show up, and the small bonfire gets bigger.
As the sun begins to set, I’m so over it, and so wasted that I’m not even sure I’d recognize him if he did come.
Lies.
“I’m going to pee. Which way?”
Roach points to the trees. “Red scarfs. Follow the trail.”
Stumbling through the woods, having found no red scarfs, I just piss by a tree that could very possibly have poison oak on it. And I more than likely wipe with poison ivy.
Stomping and stumbling back, I follow the smoke.
Once on unrutted ground, I focus on the only red scarf-like material