a hard look as she reached around me to grab a large, fluffy pink towel, she finished, “I think what you need is a long hot shower and some food.”
Snatching the towel from her outstretched hand, I fired back, “What I need is answers!”
Jane once more gestured for me to lower my voice.
Closing my eyes and praying for patience, I repeated, “I want answers.”
Sighing, Jane sat down on the toilet lid. “Answers to what? Whatever happened at Richard’s estate, you agreed to it. All of it. I was there when you did.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t remember coming back to our flat super excited about Richard’s Victorian project? Telling me how happy you were that he was throwing his full support behind your acting career after seeing you audition for The Lady Protests? Hell, he even produced the show because of you.”
I shook my head, twisting the towel in my hands. “No. No, that didn’t happen.”
“You wouldn’t stop talking about how in love with him you were and how he would make all your dreams come true. You even bragged about how he would use your designs for all the main costuming for the show.”
My head swam. Despite its loose stays, suddenly the heavy weight of the taffeta dress felt oppressive. Clawing at the small row of pearl buttons, I tore the fabric as I wrenched it down my arms and over my hips. Kicking the soiled and wrinkled skirts across the polished black marble floor, I leaned against the glass shower door, which felt cool despite the hot stream of water on the other side. The air was moist and reeked of rose-scented soap. My silk slip clung to my skin.
Standing, Jane approached me cautiously. Lifting her arm, she stroked my hair. She took a deep breath. It was obvious she was weighing her words carefully. “Look, maybe he took the game a little too far. He probably scared you. Richard can be a little intense over his feelings for you, but in my opinion it’s not a bad thing to have a man that into you.”
Tired and numb, I barely reacted to her admission.
Still stroking my hair, she reasoned, “Still, it’s nothing you didn’t want. I was there. You were having fun and were totally into it. Everyone said so. If you were truly there against your will, don’t you think someone would have noticed something? Or tried to help you? There were over a hundred servants crawling all over that estate.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I swung my head to the other side, staring blindly at a framed black-and-white photo of Marilyn Monroe in a bathtub. Leave it to Jane to move to an ultra-swanky new flat but still decorate the rooms with images of Monroe. Focusing again on her softly reasoned words, I hated the fact that everything she said made sense.
Richard was rich and powerful, but no one was that powerful. My memories might be confused, but there was no mistaking the number of people surrounding me on a daily basis; parlor maids, upstairs maids, downstairs maids, a lady’s maid, countless footmen and groundskeepers, drivers, a butler… the list went on and on. No one could have such absolute control over that number of people.
If I’d been truly in distress, someone would have seen… someone would have said something or called the authorities.
If no one did… does that mean it didn’t happen?
Looking down, I ran a finger over the now-healing scratch down the center of my palm.
This isn’t real.
My mantra came back to me. Over and over again.
This isn’t real.
What if I was right for the wrong reasons?
What if my nightmares were just that… dreams?
What if Richard had been trying to save me from myself this entire time?
Jane kept mentioning all the wonderful parts. In my anger and confusion, had I imagined the nightmarish ones? After all, she had been there. She had witnessed my interactions with Richard and the staff.
Richard loved me. Of that I was certain. He was my religion and I his. Caught in a twisted, obsession that would probably consume us both.
Could I fault him for getting lost in the same toxic game I myself was apparently a willing pawn in? Everything Jane said made sense. It would be just like Richard to move heaven and hell to create an entire fantasy world for me. The man had no limits, no constraints on his behavior, of that I had seen ample evidence. Nothing was beyond his reach.
I know I had mentioned on